Story Positive update

[Clowndollie]

Hi everyone! It feels weird, actually starting to feel like I am healing a bit, healing from the past narcissistic abusive relationship I had. I don't crave it anymore like I used to, at least not as much. Even though I still deal with the trauma, I'll try to learn to give it a place. I'm also starting to realise more and more that some things are just (sadly) out of my control. Even though he ruined the person I was back then, I'm going to come back prouder and stronger. I'll become someone I am proud of. I have this deal with myself that the entirety of next year, I'll try to make improvements in my life. I want to feel better about love, friendship, work, school but also, and this is the most important of course, about mental health. Or at least I will try to. I just want to be able to say that I know I've tried. If in a year I have come nowhere I can always return to ctb'ing. I'm going to try my best for now. Sending you light and love!

 

[voc_89]

I don't know your story but, while understated, acceptance is so relieving. Accepting the situation for what it was. Accepting who u are because of it. Etc. That is what makes u realize that yh I need to do something about this. Rather than well (and this is my self insert... i am not trivializing your experience pls... pls know that) procrastinate or well put yourself down. I hope you do make a full recovery and make the most out of your new found serenity.

 

[nir]

Yay yay yaaay!! A weirdly helpful thing my mum told me when I was young and very suicidal is that suicide is like an exit door in a theatre - if at any point you hate the movie enough, it will always be there, but because it will always be there, you might as well try to stick it out a little longer to see if you'll start liking the movie (bad paraphrase, we speak a different language at home, but you understand). Of course this doesn't really cover suicide for degenerative disease reasons and stuff like that, but on the whole, I feel like knowing I could ctb whenever has given me a sense of calm that has allowed me to continue living just out of curiosity for what may come next. If life gets unspeakably bad, I'll ctb. If life stays good, well, I'll just keep being me. For me at least, this has been a sweet spot for my mental health. I hope you find it to be good for you too.