Discussion (POLL) What got you thinking about CTB?

[Arachno]

Personal struggles, stress, uncertainity about my future, scoliosis and not having any real talents and skills.

 

[Anhedonico]

I ticked depression and anxiety because my current depressed mood comes after some months of extreme stress and loneliness (though relatively happy and resilient before depression) and after a very-likely delusional disorder (the doctors in the hospital didn't all agree and some thought it was PTSD after I suffered an extreme event) that lasted some weeks. I was ridiculous (kind of like Travis Bickle in my pic) and I spoilt many of my social networks, and I got terribly depressed after it finished.

This is actually where my CTB thoughts began again with currently 37 yo -after I once had them when I was a teenager because of depression and bullying (and I could cope with them after beginning the University)-.

So maybe I should tick just depression or maybe all of the above. It's difficult to separate each one from the others.

 

[hail]

knowing how much worse the world will become and knowing i wont be able to do anything to stop it.

 

[ReadyOrNot?]

Not a specific reason. It's a thought born out of the feeling getting overwhelmed, to be helpless without options. It slowly evolved over the years. I tried to do life, I really did. But it didn't work and I have no hope anymore.
I guess you could say depression but it feels different than just a depression from my point of view. But that could just be symptoms of depression.

 

[Meteora]

There s so many reasons missing, for ex. personality disorder, dissociative disorder, CPTSD, eating disorder.............. schizoprenia/psychosis.......... bipolar disorder.... etc. etc.

 

[Raven2]

I ticked a lot of those boxes lol. Attempted to ctb as a teenager, obviously still alive to tell the tale.
Various reasons as to why, have been on and off suicidal since the attempt.

Bullying: so I was not able to complete my studies when younger.
Love/loneliness: A failed marriage after a mental health breakdown. I think im asexual so I doubt very much I will find love again.
Depression: episodes every 2years or so of major depression. I'm in the pit of depression right now hence why I'm here

 

[CanIStopTryingNow]

Unstabilized, and apparently unstabilizable bipolar 2. Primarily depression. Also have a history of abuse.

 

[BorderlineChellery]

I have Borderline PD on top of other mental illnesses and chronic pain. I'm sick of being in physical and mental pain. I've spent 16 years trying everything the doctors have said will help and I'm worse than ever. I'm convinced now that I can't get better. Mental health team are trying to get me in hospital but I wanna ctb before they do

 

[LifeTransit_1]

I have Borderline PD on top of other mental illnesses and chronic pain. I'm sick of being in physical and mental pain. I've spent 16 years trying everything the doctors have said will help and I'm worse than ever. I'm convinced now that I can't get better. Mental health team are trying to get me in hospital but I wanna ctb before they do

Damn that's rough. If you do end up going to a physch ward. Just hope you are out of there ASAP.

Not a specific reason. It's a thought born out of the feeling getting overwhelmed, to be helpless without options. It slowly evolved over the years. I tried to do life, I really did. But it didn't work and I have no hope anymore.
I guess you could say depression but it feels different than just a depression from my point of view. But that could just be symptoms of depression.

I tried enjoying life... it's not fun, too many people who are "fake" nice, us standards placed upon each other are just outrageous.

I ticked depression and anxiety because my current depressed mood comes after some months of extreme stress and loneliness (though relatively happy and resilient before depression) and after a very-likely delusional disorder (the doctors in the hospital didn't all agree and some thought it was PTSD after I suffered an extreme event) that lasted some weeks. I was ridiculous (kind of like Travis Bickle in my pic) and I spoilt many of my social networks, and I got terribly depressed after it finished.

This is actually where my CTB thoughts began again with currently 37 yo -after I once had them when I was a teenager because of depression and bullying (and I could cope with them after beginning the University)-.

So maybe I should tick just depression or maybe all of the above. It's difficult to separate each one from the others.

Damn... you went through some stuff. I would say just depression if you were tick off anything from the poll as that's sound like the best option for your case.

15 years of abuse and trauma leaving me with crippling ptsd and bipolar too. I will never live a normal life. I'm too traumatised and everything I do see/see/think is impacted by my past. I should never have been born.

Sorry to hear about your past. 15 years of abuse is not easy to have to deal with especially getting conditions like PTSD & BP from the abuse. I honestly think no one really lives a normal life. People have different paths of life but all end up in the same place at the end.

Me too. I was diagnosed as a teen, I always knew I was different. Now I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, many Cluster A traits, severe OCD and much more that just makes it harder for me to continue.

Sorry you got to deal with all that. I can see why you feel it's hard to continue.

 

[notforl0ng]

The urge started young but after my mom killed herself it was every moment of every day. She was my best friend and the only unconditional love I'll ever experience despite the trauma she put me through. I have complex PTSD and bipolar. Recently found out maybe schizoaffective bipolar type as well.

 

[maidens]

I think the main reason was abuse by my family for almost all my life. but also that I was diagnosed with autism way too late & that caused a lot of mistreatment in schools by both students and teachers. I actually think to this day the abuse I went through & am still going through as I still live with my mom & the way I was treated in school are the two biggest factors in how much I want to ctb.

 

[GoneFromRevolution]

For me, it's also about ASD and Gender Dysphoria.

 

[Shrike]

Went with loneliness (or alienation, really, I prefer that term), the primary driver I feel. If I had someone to share with I think I could tolerate a lot of the crap, and I'd feel that there was something I could do about it all, but alone, it feels pointless.

 

[BorderlineChellery]

@LifeTransit_1 fingers crossed. Was hoping to use SN but seems it can't be got in the UK

 

[GuylumBardot]

Damage from unnecessary meds.

 

[0000000000000]

All poll options.

Years of trauma, neglect, being excluded, indifference, mockery, abuse.

Most of my life has been dictated by other people.

What i have most commonly received and receive from people is indifference, violence, mockery, and more garbage.

I'm tired of being just a ghost or a joke at best to others.

Several people took advantage of my trust, just took what they wanted and left me alone in my suffering.

I have never felt this life was worth continuing.

I have never felt a sense of belonging.

Either i'm too sensitive or i don't belong in this world.

I have become a selfish, self-centered and disgusting person. I don't want to be like this.

Just a copy and paste of people i've encountered, a canvas with a bunch of poorly glued things.

Sorry for this vomit of words.

 

[InAgony]

Health problems

 

[WhatPowerIs]

School struggles, loneliness, depression. An aversion to pain and suffering in general.