Discussion (POLL) What got you thinking about CTB?

[LifeTransit_1]

You can either answer the poll or reply to this thread. Up to you!
NOTE: You can choose multiple options on the poll.

 

[4everDone]

Those who think they have some kind of made up authority in a society and if you don't oblige you will be seen as garbage. In other words some really trashy ethics that circle in the society today. And a few personal issues

 

[emptyshell]

Although I ticked depression, anxiety and personal/work struggles I think all these reasons stem from the fact that I'm autistic (late diagnosed).
And I don't think I'll ever get to grips with this world

 

[FutureHanger]

I hate society as well and how this world is, there's so much pointless suffering it's insane, some people would genuinely rather have murderer sons than gay/feminine ones , some people think if your ancestors are from a certain region you need to be killed etc. This world is so sick and twisted and frankly it's very backwards socially and economically, why on earth does elon musk get to have a luxurious lifestyle funded by kids working for less than the cost of a USB C charger at a cheap store each week?

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Because I can.

I don't have to complete this arbitrary race. The finish line is wherever I choose.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

I selected depression, work and school struggles and other. The other past trauma and deep shame and regret.

 

[333s]

don't want to get old dont want to wait for natural death since it can be really unpleasant dont have energy and cant feel happiness bc of depression believe there's something much more pleasant outside meat and bones im caged in

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

The first time I thought about suicide. I cut my finger. The pain was so shocking. It was an epiphany. I remember thinking this pain is bad it's unbelievable.

I didn't remember or imagine how bad pain could be.

I told myself to give myself a message in the future to remember.

This was relatively minor and brief compared to the pain that can happen and then unbearable constant long lasting pain...the horror.

I wanted to avoid unbearable constant long lasting pain .

It must be my only goal to avoid extreme pain and extreme suffering.

Every sentient animal including every human is under constant threat of extreme pain and suffering. Therefore I prove life is bad not good.

Furthermore there is no purpose to life. So every human is risking extreme torture for no purpose

None of the garbage they had brainwashed me to think was so good or important now was exposed. They brainwashed me to strive for all this crap and to seek pleasure and meaningless distractions like youtube news sports TV etc

No I don't want any of that garbage. What I want to do is avoid extreme pain a extreme suffering.

 

[FuneralCry]

I wish to voluntarily cease existing as existence is very undesirable and will always be no matter what. I'd always prefer to peacefully not exist than to decay from age in this meaningless and futile existence, only ceasing to exist is the way to avoid and prevent suffering, it's hellish to me how there is no limit as to how much one can suffer as long as they exist. But overall I just see it as such a horrific tragedy how life even exists at all, existence is an abomination that just causes so much harm and suffering so only wishing for death makes sense to me, I find comfort in the thought of ceasing to exist.

 

[Tokugawa_Yoshinobu]

Come to think of it, mostly struggle from work.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Life itself is just undesirable to me. It doesn't offer anything good that makes me want to live

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I hate society as well and how this world is, there's so much pointless suffering it's insane, some people would genuinely rather have murderer sons than gay/feminine ones , some people think if your ancestors are from a certain region you need to be killed etc. This world is so sick and twisted and frankly it's very backwards socially and economically, why on earth does elon musk get to have a luxurious lifestyle funded by kids working for less than the cost of a USB C charger at a cheap store each week?

I know its common to say but this world genuinely is a fucking nightmare. The worst thing is knowing that people probably won't change. Everyone will continue to live their ignorant lives because it's convenient. The world is a cesspool of meaningless suffering.

Life itself is just undesirable to me. It doesn't offer anything good that makes me want to live

I just don't want to be burdened by all the cares and burdens of human life i never consented to. Been passively suicidal for years now, even when I had friends to help out, somehow I just still sought some kind of way if I ever made the choice that I didn't want any part of this anymore.

 

[FutureHanger]

I know its common to say but this world genuinely is a fucking nightmare. The worst thing is knowing that people probably won't change. Everyone will continue to live their ignorant lives because it's convenient. The world is a cesspool of meaningless suffering.

yh it just sounds like stereotypical depressed shit to say but it is true, if you don't feel like this you're either ignorant, privileged, one of those "tough" guys who romanticise suffering, religious or a literal kid.

 

[deadwalkid]

My animal instinct tells me to protect my family, it still burns in my veins and I can feel it. But when I open up about it, they said I was being uneducated or have my intelligence questioned. They ignored my need of being honest, to have a safe place to talk about my view of this world, the people...
Years of suppressing my emotions turns me into a depressed pile of flesh, having no interest in living. I can still vividly remember being beaten by mom with a wooden stick when I was just 5. Being told stupid or verbal abused by my father. My body shivers whenever I think about them, but deep down I know they are my family and I don't want to harm them.
I know I want to ctb and I'm preparing.
I ticked depression, loneliness, and other

 

[Deleted member 65988]

yh it just sounds like stereotypical depressed shit to say but it is true, if you don't feel like this you're either ignorant, privileged, one of those "tough" guys who romanticise suffering, religious or a literal kid.

Pretty much so, I know people don't like to hear in contrast to the latest gossip or whatever, but you're so on point especially the "tough" guys who romanticize suffering or the religious.

 

[LifeTransit_1]

So since some of yall are actually typing it out... here's mine

I chose anxiety, bullying and other. I am autistic and deal with bullshit that comes with being autistic and my parents being nuisance as a child since they basically would not let me do my education without making a huge fuss about things I really needed to get the grades I needed in graduating which led to bullying from other children which left me mentally scarred still to this day.

 

[SMmetalhead36]

don't want to get old dont want to wait for natural death since it can be really unpleasant dont have energy and cant feel happiness bc of depression believe there's something much more pleasant outside meat and bones im caged in

I absolutely agree with the not wanting to get old part!

 

[hatedavoidant]

Although I ticked depression, anxiety and personal/work struggles I think all these reasons stem from the fact that I'm autistic (late diagnosed).
And I don't think I'll ever get to grips with this world

Me too. I was diagnosed as a teen, I always knew I was different. Now I have Borderline Personality Disorder, Avoidant Personality Disorder, many Cluster A traits, severe OCD and much more that just makes it harder for me to continue.

 

[leloyon]

I ticked loneliness, depression, PTSD and personal struggles, but really it's just been there for as long as I can remember. Even when I was a kid, suicide was the only option I saw for myself. Though as a kid I was undeniably suffering from all of the above, so that's why I ticked them, I can't really say what exactly set it off specifically, just that those have been my struggles for as long as I can remember and for just as long I've been suicidal.

 

[Sad Avocado]

love

 

[heliophobic]

I chose depression and "other" even though I suffer from other things listed. I started having thoughts of wanting to die in 1988, when I was 7 and I've been fighting my brain since then. It's been one, long constant fight: taking countless medications being in and out of psych wards having therapist after therapist. I used to s/h and used to self-medicate with drugs and alcohol and all I have to show for it are old scars that I get asked stupid questions about no matter how faded the scars are and siblings that constantly assume the worst of me no matter how long I've been sober. I'm a constant disappointment to my father and myself. I was gifted as a child but I grew up to be nothing. Unloved, unemployed/unemployable, a waste. I've had to deal with the loss of friends and boyfriends since I was in elementary school, some losses worse than others and I'm tired of missing those that were the closest to me. My best friend that ctb in 2000 when we made a pact to stick it out together, no matter how much life sucked. My friend of 20 years that od'd on Valentine's Day 2017 and then my soulcat that came into my life a month after that friend died in 2017 when I needed him the most died in 2022. My heart hurts more and more every day and my soul gives up more and more. If my life hasn't changed by the age of 43, I doubt it ever will. It'll just get more painful. Sorry for the rant.

 

[Pancake]

I'm not good enough for anything. At least nothing that matters.

 

[TiredOfAllThis]

Tired. Just very tired.

 

[BlessedBeTheFlame]

All of them. Knowing I'm a worthless subhuman for my sexual orientation is the biggest thing however.

 

[sammiechzxv]

A lot of ptsd lol

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Big failure in life, no bright future ahead of me, being a failure and being useless.

I voted "Depression" and "Other". Depressive episodes / suicidal thoughts are caused by external circumstances that I cannot fix by myself in a satisfying way.

 

[Macc_Lad_71]

plus i see my loved ones in my dreams who have passed many years before........and it's absolutely beautiful x

 

[bunny_brownie9]

15 years of abuse and trauma leaving me with crippling ptsd and bipolar too. I will never live a normal life. I'm too traumatised and everything I do see/see/think is impacted by my past. I should never have been born.

 

[fleshgarden]

all of these, I've been depressed since a very young age but I wasn't revealed the concept of ctb until I was 11, since then I've had suicidal thoughts.

 

[matt1968]

Depression, anxiety and probable AVPD - it's so hidden and masked, it feels like I'm making it up but it's brought me to my knees.