Political views and ctb

[The Actual Devil]

98

 

[Namelesa]

97

 

[The Actual Devil]

96
(watch me forget which game this is and accidentally vote for the other side)

 

[Namelesa]

96
(watch me forget which game this is and accidentally vote for the other side)

yea don't worry, I have done that too

95

 

[The Actual Devil]

94
How are you?

 

[Namelesa]

94
How are you?

ugh not really that good. I feel paranoid and anxious.

93

 

[The Actual Devil]

92

wanna talk about it? Here or in PM? I can pay better attention than I have been.

 

[Namelesa]

92

wanna talk about it? Here or in PM? I can pay better attention than I have been.

don't mind saying it here. I just feel so scared of hurting others. Lately I have been watching my sister play a game called Coffin of Andy and Leyley (can say more about it if you don't know about it) and its been really enjoyable but I scared I am like Ashley, especially as my sister has compared me to her. I feel like if I didn't have intense guilt and stopped hating myself then I would do some of the things she does like manipulation and threats so people don't leave me. I have already threaten people in the past so they don't leave me and still think of doing it cus I am so scared of people leaving me so what if in some intense mental pain and I don't feel guilty and shameful and self-loathing I might do that again?

91

 

[StupidCat]

92

 

[Namelesa]

91

 

[The Actual Devil]

don't mind saying it here. I just feel so scared of hurting others. Lately I have been watching my sister play a game called Coffin of Andy and Leyley (can say more about it if you don't know about it) and its been really enjoyable but I scared I am like Ashley, especially as my sister has compared me to her. I feel like if I didn't have intense guilt and stopped hating myself then I would do some of the things she does like manipulation and threats so people don't leave me. I have already threaten people in the past so they don't leave me and still think of doing it cus I am so scared of people leaving me so what if in some intense mental pain and I don't feel guilty and shameful and self-loathing I might do that again?

90
Right, no, I haven't heard of that game, but I hear what you are saying. I've told you that you are not your past self, and I still mean it. You deserve self-love, and with that comes self-forgiveness. Just because we have acted a certain way in the past, that doesn't dictate our future. Fear of loss is very strong, too. Loss can lead to survivor's guilt, and that comes in many flavors. I know how hard it can be to drown out poisonous thoughts without drowning yourself, too.
Gosh, you really deserve a big hug. Just grab the nearest person to you and tell them to hug you, I'm sure they won't mind, haha.

 

[Namelesa]

90
Right, no, I haven't heard of that game, but I hear what you are saying. I've told you that you are not your past self, and I still mean it. You deserve self-love, and with that comes self-forgiveness. Just because we have acted a certain way in the past, that doesn't dictate our future. Fear of loss is very strong, too. Loss can lead to survivor's guilt, and that comes in many flavors. I know how hard it can be to drown out poisonous thoughts without drowning yourself, too.
Gosh, you really deserve a big hug. Just grab the nearest person to you and tell them to hug you, I'm sure they won't mind, haha.

the game focuses on this sibling relationship between Andrew and Ashley. They are both toxic and abusive to one another but are codependent on each other and scared to leave one another, especially Ashley.

I know it doesn't fully dictate the future but I feel like it partially does as I am still somewhat the same person as then. I am still scared of abandonment and not wanting others to leave me as much as possible.

Sadly everyone is asleep so I can't hug anyone.

89

 

[The Actual Devil]

88

Is Louie asleep, too?
He's precious, btw. Saw him in the pets megathread.

I know our issues aren't always rational, but I occasionally find comfort in the concept of "Mono No Aware."

It's like, what is beauty, right? Where do we find meaning in life? What does it mean for anything to have value?
I think it is the temporary nature of things that gives them greater meaning, beauty, and value.
Relationships are special to us when we have them, and then a different kind of special when we're remembering them.

I know if philosophy could fix mental troubles, then everyone would be happy all the time, but there it is.

And you are specifically worried about your own actions causing the relationship to end prematurely.
That's rough because worrying about it is probably keeping you from enjoying them in the present, isn't it?
For what it's worth, you could just get it out of your system to me. Like, say all the terrible things you're afraid of saying by accident, instead of letting it build up and boil over.
Maybe a vent is what you need. I can handle it.

 

[Namelesa]

88

Is Louie asleep, too?
He's precious, btw. Saw him in the pets megathread.

I know our issues aren't always rational, but I occasionally find comfort in the concept of "Mono No Aware."

It's like, what is beauty, right? Where do we find meaning in life? What does it mean for anything to have value?
I think it is the temporary nature of things that gives them greater meaning, beauty, and value.
Relationships are special to us when we have them, and then a different kind of special when we're remembering them.

I know if philosophy could fix mental troubles, then everyone would be happy all the time, but there it is.

And you are specifically worried about your own actions causing the relationship to end prematurely.
That's rough because worrying about it is probably keeping you from enjoying them in the present, isn't it?
For what it's worth, you could just get it out of your system to me. Like, say all the terrible things you're afraid of saying by accident, instead of letting it build up and boil over.
Maybe a vent is what you need. I can handle it.

yea Louie is asleep but thank you for saying he is precious ^^

The problem is I can't cope on my own at all so I rely on others to actually be able to be happy, so if I lose them I go back to more intense suffering.

You want me to say anything terrible to you? Okie if you sure.

Spoiler: what I am worried of threatening

• Threatening to kill myself or other threats if they leave me - "I will kill myself if you leave me", "I can't cope without you" "I will kill you and keep your body if you leave me", "I will never get better if you leave me"
• Using promises as a way to not allow others to leave me after I done something bad "you said you won't leave me"
• Saying others that aren't doing enough for me, maybe using what I have done for them to "I have comforted you and do whatever you wanted, I need comfort too", "You are not doing enough for me, I have done all of this for you"
• Excuses for bad actions, often using my suffering or mental illness and problems as the excuse "But I am so scared of you leaving me", "I am depressed", "I am helpless and do this out of intense pain", "you can't blame me for this when I am suffering so much"

87

 

[StupidCat]

88

 

[Namelesa]

87

 

[The Actual Devil]

yea Louie is asleep but thank you for saying he is precious ^^

The problem is I can't cope on my own at all so I rely on others to actually be able to be happy, so if I lose them I go back to more intense suffering.

You want me to say anything terrible to you? Okie if you sure.

86
Tbf, I meant you could use me as a punching bag. Like, pretend I'm walking away for good, and let me have it.
But you did give me a much better idea of what you mean.
Let me give this a good thinking...

 

[Namelesa]

85

 

[The Actual Devil]

84
How much time do you spend totally, alone? Like, zero contact with other humans. Sleeping doesn't count, nor does bathroom time. And how do you feel when you do?

 

[StupidCat]

85

 

[The Actual Devil]

84

 

[StupidCat]

85
Funny to know the actual devil is a leftist

 

[The Actual Devil]

85
Funny to know the actual devil is a leftist

Why?
84 You think I'd be allied with the Christian right?

 

[Namelesa]

84
How much time do you spend totally, alone? Like, zero contact with other humans. Sleeping doesn't count, nor does bathroom time. And how do you feel when you do?

I assume we mean just no physical contact. I spend most of my time alone then. Most time I would spend on a average day with other people is like 3 hours. My emotions can be mixed when being alone. Maybe happy if I have something I can hyper-fixate on and feel motivated to put my full self in but otherwise I feel mostly empty, maybe depressed or anxious sometimes.

83

 

[The Actual Devil]

I assume we mean just no physical contact.

No, I mean alone, alone. Either in your own room with the door closed or in your home when everyone else is gone. I think I'm going somewhere with this, bear with me
82

 

[Namelesa]

No, I mean alone, alone. Either in your own room with the door closed or in your home when everyone else is gone. I think I'm going somewhere with this, bear with me
82

What i meant was not being around humans physically and that online interaction doesn't count into this. Still same maxium of 3 hours. I mostly stay in my room with my door shut.

81

 

[StupidCat]

Why?
84 You think I'd be allied with the Christian right?

82
Cause Satanism is closer to esoteric fascism

 

[The Actual Devil]

Cause Satanism is closer to esoteric fascism

81
It simply is not. Those losers steal symbology that does not belong to them to preach concepts they can never understand. Typical of their ilk.

 

[Namelesa]

80

 

[StupidCat]

81
It simply is not. Those losers steal symbology that does not belong to them to preach concepts they can never understand. Typical of their ilk.

81
Well, at least in their rejection of traditional western morality (rooted in Christianity). Although, if you remove race from esoteric fascism you get pretty much satanism.