Story my personal diary and venting thread

[whorror]

Hi, everyone. I thought I'd make a thread where I post a general introduction about myself, along with some vents and whatever's happening in my life.

First things first!

I'm from Europe, I'm 29 years old, and I use she/they pronouns. I'm diagnosed with ADHD (I'm on treatment), BPD, PTSD (I mostly refer to it as C-PTSD), Bipolar Type 2, depression, and anxiety. Yeah, I know, it's a lot. I'm on 6 different meds, every damn category you can name: stimulants, antidepressants, mood stabilizers, and antipsychotics. I actually have 3 antidepressants. I'm the entire circus.

I first found out about SaSu in 2022. I've been a lurker ever since. I actually had 2 accounts that I forgot the passwords to (and the names of); (sorry, I'm really ADHD), so this is like my 3rd account. So let's hope this one stays.

I have been depressed and suicidal for more than half of my life. I've gone through a lot of breakups and lost a lot of friendships in general because of my immense fear of abandonment. I was, and still am, really dependent on other people. I make them my world, and then that world begins to tremble at some point. I'm just a silent observer of my own disaster without having any say whatsoever.

With BPD, I feel like I'm two people in one. Anders from Dragon Age 2 is extremely relatable to me (let me know if you've played the series), and so is Naruto. His rage, the way he values friendship so highly, everything. But I'm a little bit off-topic.

I love movies and TV shows. I'm a cinephile. My favorite movies are Mulholland Drive, Aftersun, Suspiria (the old one), and The Substance.

I love games. I've played all sorts of games, but I really liked Disco Elysium, Dragon Age: Origins, Dragon Age 2, Fields of Mistria (a farming sim), Left 4 Dead 2, and The Outlast Trials, just to name a few.

I love reading, especially political books and Marxist theory. I'm an anarchist myself, and I've been involved in the political scene. I have a cat, my favorite color is red, and I'm a huge Britney Spears fan!

I'm currently unemployed and have been for 3 years, living with help from my friends and family. I'm too mentally unwell to hold even the tiniest job, and I struggle every day with food. Sometimes I don't have anything to eat, or I eat cat food because it's cheap. I live alone, and I really enjoy the quiet: me and my cat, a movie or a game or a book.

This is just the beginning. I'll post vents here and stuff that happens to me. I just wanna feel seen and heard, I guess.

I love this community and how kind everyone is, and I'm looking forward to meeting new people. People have told me I'm a good listener.

In any case, this is a little about me. Feel free to ask me anything! Hugs!

 

[whorror]

Posted this in a new thread, but I'm just going to copy paste it here:

My best friend is the person I love the most out of everyone, and I'm so happy and glad she is in my life. We've had our ups and downs, but we always found our way back to each other. She did a lot of things to make me as comfortable as possible because of my diagnosis and fear of abandonment. She did things for me that she never did for anyone else. Everything was so good until HE showed up.

There is this guy who initially had a romantic crush on her, but she already had a boyfriend, so he wanted to stay friends with her. I can't help but feel threatened by him and by how much he wants to interfere between me and her.

Me and my best friend have this little thing of ours where we play a game together and talk shit about the characters, the action, everything. We've done this with dozens of games. So this guy is so desperate that he also played almost every other game she played, probably just to get her attention. She already had someone to play those games with. My guy, you are not me, so know your fucking place and stay out of it.

Also, when he is texting her, she is barely able to reply to me because this fucking lame, desperate man always replies right on the spot, no matter the hour. So I always feel like I have to compete with him for my best friend's attention. I hate seeing him online because I immediately start thinking that he's talking to her again.

Unfortunately, my best friend likes D&D and I don't play, but he does. I am so unlucky. And he plays with her. He is so desperate for her attention that he has asked her three times already to play with him, and he didn't even include me in the invitation.

You know what that means, right? It means war. I fucking know what you're doing and how you're trying to go for the next best thing, since the boyfriend spot is already taken. You want to become her best friend because you're desperate. If you think for one second that I don't know what you're doing, think twice, motherfucker. I fucking know what you are, and you don't fool me.

Sorry, I had to vent. I hate this guy. I hope he finally finds a girlfriend and stops being so desperate over my best friend.

You are not going to take her from me, asshole.