Rudeus_Greyrat
Member
- Oct 13, 2024
- 45
I'd really like to talk with people who can help me organize my CTB, but I can't write PMs. I ordered SN from DMC, now I'm waiting for it to arrive. Every passing day, I find it harder to believe there's a reason I should suffer 50 more years in loneliness and poverty in this rotten world.
Everyone tells me, smiling in delight before my suffering "walk on your legs, you have to work yourself to the bone, that's how life goes, no one is entitled to anything, stop being a child, grow up". But if growing up means accepting a sad, grey world, where you can't trust anyone's word, where once you're useless no one is bound to their promise, where slaving away day after day is the only way for those who don't have enough luck to have the right talents, or the right families…
I don't want to accept it. I refuse this world, to it's disgusting core.
I find myself smiling to the very thought of organizing my to do list before dying, like doing one last walk on the beach, eating every favorite food of mine one last time, finishing some games I have to finish (looking at you, ReFantazio and Silent Hill 2), and then finally going somewhere nice with my special SN potion after following a well thought plan (which includes testing its purity ofc, something that I'm terrified of, because I don't want to find out that it's less pure than expected after planning everything carefully and discovering that sources like DMC are no longer available).
Please, could someone help me and guide me, holding my hand as I walk this path?
I know it sounds childish, but I feel abandoned by everyone. I gave all my love and support, both emotional and economical, to people who, when it was their turn to help me, rejected me and abandoned me like if I was trash, no longer useful.
Please, take my hand, be my friend, and help me go back home. I'm really sad.
Everyone tells me, smiling in delight before my suffering "walk on your legs, you have to work yourself to the bone, that's how life goes, no one is entitled to anything, stop being a child, grow up". But if growing up means accepting a sad, grey world, where you can't trust anyone's word, where once you're useless no one is bound to their promise, where slaving away day after day is the only way for those who don't have enough luck to have the right talents, or the right families…
I don't want to accept it. I refuse this world, to it's disgusting core.
I find myself smiling to the very thought of organizing my to do list before dying, like doing one last walk on the beach, eating every favorite food of mine one last time, finishing some games I have to finish (looking at you, ReFantazio and Silent Hill 2), and then finally going somewhere nice with my special SN potion after following a well thought plan (which includes testing its purity ofc, something that I'm terrified of, because I don't want to find out that it's less pure than expected after planning everything carefully and discovering that sources like DMC are no longer available).
Please, could someone help me and guide me, holding my hand as I walk this path?
I know it sounds childish, but I feel abandoned by everyone. I gave all my love and support, both emotional and economical, to people who, when it was their turn to help me, rejected me and abandoned me like if I was trash, no longer useful.
Please, take my hand, be my friend, and help me go back home. I'm really sad.
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