PLEASE HELP ME, i can´t handle this anymore

[BananaRobada]

(Before everything sorry if I made a mistake writing this and sorry for my english in case I say something wrong)I´ve been through real pain for 4 years straight. I´ve been through 2 psychotic breakdowns, my depression keeps getting worse since 2018, I feel too much disconnected from reality and life haven´t been the same to me for a long long time ago... anyways, I´ve decided to off myself, I already tried it in 2020 by taking a bunch of sleep pills (benzodiazepines) and then hunging myself in my backyard, but i lived with my family back then, my brother founded me and i woke up like 2 days later in an hospital... however, since then i´ve been investigating and doing some research on suicide methods like the exitbag, hanging (again), those eutanasia pills for animals and a few more, but I´ve decided that i want to shoot myself. I got it all planned, want i want to do the days before, the same day, go in my aunts car to a place far a away thru the night, dink a few cans of my favorite my beer, smoke some good cigarretes, listen to some music and then blew my head off... I am from a South America country and to get a gun legally is too difficult, too much burocracy (probably is made that way on porpuse because here the governments doesn´t support guns possession and I dont know people that can provide me guns through the black market and stuff, so i strongly ask you to bring me some links to silk road or a trustable site or place in the deep web or internet where i can buy a gun... Or at least send me a link through a telegram chat or another safe page chat where you can provide me the links safely. I beg you people, I can´t stand this pain no more