Please help, losing my mind

[An0nym0us1999]

Thank you to the both of you. Sorry I havnt been very active, passed out drunk and spent most of the day sleeping.

Found out she already made a new facebook and I can only wonder why. Kills me to think of who she could be talking to already. Already two beers in so far, hopefully i pass out drunk again tonight so I don't have to think about it. Helped last night but I stayed up all night and drinking seems to make it worse today. Deactivated my facebooj cuz I didnt want to think about it but no matter what i do i can't focus on anything else.
Tried putting on a movie but its honestly little more than background noise. My mind is just focusing on her

 

[Tabbyql]

I'm a cluster b and I don't do that.
And I'm so sorry your going through all that

 

[Soul]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Sleep is good; background noise is fine. You mentioned your mother and grandmother - is there anything you can do for them? Run some errands, paint a room, clean out a basement?
(((Hugs)))

 

[TraumaBunny]

Thank you to the both of you. Sorry I havnt been very active, passed out drunk and spent most of the day sleeping.

Found out she already made a new facebook and I can only wonder why. Kills me to think of who she could be talking to already. Already two beers in so far, hopefully i pass out drunk again tonight so I don't have to think about it. Helped last night but I stayed up all night and drinking seems to make it worse today. Deactivated my facebooj cuz I didnt want to think about it but no matter what i do i can't focus on anything else.
Tried putting on a movie but its honestly little more than background noise. My mind is just focusing on her

Stop.

Block her and don't torture yourself by checking up on her online movements.

Doing so will just just exaggerate your pain.

Ask yourself the following question, was she REALLY any good for you? Because if she was you wouldn't be contemplating suicide right now.

That's the bottom line.

If she was someone you were meant to be with in a romantic sense you wouldn't have shared each other with different people. That isn't love, it's just two people having a good time.

Ultimately when someone cheats on you and continues to have sex with you, their body stands to become a biological warfare weapon because it could've contracted an STD from the other person. You're better off without a person like this in your life

Cheaters never change.

You're actually lucky she's gone.

On the other side of this turmoil is a better life and a decent girlfriend too.

Don't kill yourself because of her. She's trash.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

I'm sorry you're in so much pain. Sleep is good; background noise is fine. You mentioned your mother and grandmother - is there anything you can do for them? Run some errands, paint a room, clean out a basement?
(((Hugs)))

Honestly I normally do that stuff for my grandmother every week but normally if me and the GF fight I would lay in bed and do nothing. Unfortunately my mom is very "do what feels best"; she cares, but she will not impose on my privacy or life in order to help. Meaning getting her to talk to me seems forced.

My grandmother texted me last night, problem is she gets pissed with me. She has a very "live life no matter what" mindset and makes it about everyone else. She's 80, I don't blame her for having limited perspective on this; but even last night she gave it a good 20 minutes before getting pissed and telling me I was wrong.

Her version of helping is basically "There are good girls out there, they will love you for you, and I hate your (my) GF for what she is doing." I try to explain not to hate her, and that id rather fix things than be angry (however yesterday was the final breaking point on that, theres no fixing it now). Not to mention I work overnights; I woke up yesterday at around 10AM, got the final break up notice (over text btw, but to be honest that's to be expected by now) and started pounding heavy liquor. Fell asleep a couple times, told my friend (got him a job with me) that id be in late. Showed up hungover and late, we hung out for a while and I went home. Started drinking again so I don't really want to drive; my grandmother lives like 30 mins away and the last thing I need is a DUI and my guns being taken.

So in short, it really wouldn't do a whole lot of good. My grandmother would unintentionally make me feel worse, my mom is busy with a ton of other shit, not to mention I dont even know what she could do to help.


The reality is, I only want to hear from my girlfriend. Nobody else can make me feel any better. I've never drank to "numb pain" before, always kind of thought that was overdramatic. But honestly it seems to be (somewhat) making me not think about anything so idk.

I just feel so beat down and destroyed. My sister sided with my gf and wont even talk to her for me, to avoid "drama". Little does she (or anyone else) know that im on this forum trying to muster the courage to end it all , not to sound dramatic. Again, I feel like if I really did have the balls, I wouldn't be posting here. I feel like I wouldve just done it. I started drinking yesterday because I figured I would "sadly stumble into doing it" out of depression, but unfortunately I am still scared no matter how much i drink.

Stop.

Block her and don't torture yourself by checking up on her online movements.

Doing so will just just exaggerate your pain.

Ask yourself the following question, was she REALLY any good for you? Because if she was you wouldn't be contemplating suicide right now.

That's the bottom line.

If she was someone you were meant to be with in a romantic sense you wouldn't have shared each other with different people. That isn't love, it's just two people having a good time.

Ultimately when someone cheats on you and continues to have sex with you, their body stands to become a biological warfare weapon because it could've contracted an STD from the other person. You're better off without a person like this in your life

Cheaters never change.

You're actually lucky she's gone.

On the other side of this turmoil is a better life and a decent girlfriend too.

Don't kill yourself because of her. She's trash.

Trust me, its not like that. Posting quickly on a public forum does not give me the room to fully explain.

Her mother was a nut case, and everyone seems to think that maybe it got passed down to her.

I know with full certainty that she did not cheat on me again (I always know where she is. She lives 5 mins from me, and if she's not home she's with my sister). She genuinely felt horrible for betraying me and after a year and a half, she never did it again.

As far as "sharing"; I never shared her. She went behind my back and she told me that it would only be fair for me to see someone else.

My mistake was not stopping it. To be fair, she encouraged me seeing her. She often offered to go out to dinner, the three of us.

Its f***ed up and Dosent make sense to anyone but us, I know. Point being; I have NO doubt that she loved/loves me. She is always with MY family. There are many other reasons I know this.

We had a big fight a few weeks ago and that's when this all started. Things were rough but she would talk to me and we would be able to hang out every now and again. When we had this big fight, she ignored me for days and that's when THIS sequence of events came into play.

Stop.

Block her and don't torture yourself by checking up on her online movements.

Doing so will just just exaggerate your pain.

Ask yourself the following question, was she REALLY any good for you? Because if she was you wouldn't be contemplating suicide right now.

That's the bottom line.

If she was someone you were meant to be with in a romantic sense you wouldn't have shared each other with different people. That isn't love, it's just two people having a good time.

Ultimately when someone cheats on you and continues to have sex with you, their body stands to become a biological warfare weapon because it could've contracted an STD from the other person. You're better off without a person like this in your life

Cheaters never change.

You're actually lucky she's gone.

On the other side of this turmoil is a better life and a decent girlfriend too.

Don't kill yourself because of her. She's trash.

Until a couple months ago, she really did show me how much she cared and how sorry she was.

It was her mistake to cheat. I warned her. Many times.

But it was also my mistake to not attempt to forget it. I loved the fact that she was dead-set on making it up to me, and I never really felt "okay" with forgiving her.

If I had let it go, and put effort into US, we would not be in this position. But I didn't realize things would be worse now.

I should have done more to move on, but instead i let the rage take over me whenever I thought about it. Even though she had proven to me many times that she had been loyal.

This is my fault to a large extent. I just wish she would see that instead of walking out so easily. I know she feels like I pushed her away no matter how hard she tried. There is more I could have done, but was too angry to do.

I won't take the full blame, but it kills me knowing I COULD have chanhed this, had I known it would turn into this. She really was an angel to me. I never had another doubt. It was just impossible conquer my own feelings. I always let my anger take charge.

Yes I tried explaining that to her, but by the time I realized that (couple days ago), she had already decided she was done.

 

[Soul]

Stop.

Block her and don't torture yourself by checking up on her online movements.

Doing so will just just exaggerate your pain.

Ask yourself the following question, was she REALLY any good for you? Because if she was you wouldn't be contemplating suicide right now.

That's the bottom line.

If she was someone you were meant to be with in a romantic sense you wouldn't have shared each other with different people. That isn't love, it's just two people having a good time.

Ultimately when someone cheats on you and continues to have sex with you, their body stands to become a biological warfare weapon because it could've contracted an STD from the other person. You're better off without a person like this in your life

Cheaters never change.

You're actually lucky she's gone.

On the other side of this turmoil is a better life and a decent girlfriend too.

Don't kill yourself because of her. She's trash.

@TraumaBunny, you're sounding awfully harsh now and I'd like ask you to tone it down some. Thank you. That said,
@An0nym0us1999, I agree that watching her social media activity isn't a great idea. Think about someone else instead, or at least pretend to. If your mother and grandmother aren't the right ones to do some good deeds for, maybe some friends can use some help with something, or a local charity. Doing good works for others should sit well with your faith and may help get you out of the emotional whirlpool at least a little.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

She did everything to make things up to me and I was too angry to care.

I figured "she's mine for good, I dont have to be afraid to voice my anger", and I got complacent.

I chose to sleep with another girl. She told me to. She pushed for it. I was shocked. I asked a hundred times if she really wanted that and she said yes without a hesitation. I should have known it wouldn't have ended well.

I ignored her trying to make it up to me

I hurt her, thinking that it was perfectly normal and okay, not realizing she was just letting me think that as to not hurt me

And every time I felt like things woudlnt work I threatened suicide, because its the only other thing I want besides her.

I let all of my rage take hold of me and I pushed her over the edge. She made a dumb, awful, sickening mistake and I chose to never let her live it down in the long run.

This is my fault just as much.

@TraumaBunny, you're sounding awfully harsh now and I'd like ask you to tone it down some. Thank you. That said,
@An0nym0us1999, I agree that watching her social media activity isn't a great idea. Think about someone else instead, or at least pretend to. If your mother and grandmother don't need anything right now, maybe some friends do, or a local charity. Doing good works for others should sit well with your faith and may help get you out of the emotional whirlpool at least a little.

Its not that they dont need stuff; its that I only feel worse when out and about. I am always waiting for my next chance to see my baby, my sweetheart. And knowing I won't see her after further drives my core-values of life not being worth it.

And its okay, Trauma has been here since I first posted this, I'm sure he feels tired of trying to explain the same things to me. I doubt he is trying to sound harsh; I know watching her Facebook is a bad idea.

But she never posted or even used facebook when we were together. I actually deactivated mine last night, I only checked it once and noticed she had a new account, seemingly just to spite me (I have access to her normal one, so she made this to take any kind of "control" i may have had.)

Both you and Trauma are enormously helpful and I kind of figured I'd never use this forum again, but I'm finding more comfort in you guys than so feel from anyone else in my real life right now, so thank you for that especially.

 

[TraumaBunny]

That's the problem with messaging, it's easy to apply a negative or aggressive tone of voice to the words on the screen and then take them out of context...

Just to be clear, I'm never typing in a harsh tone. I obviously care, otherwise I wouldn't be reading and trying to lend a hand.

Actions speak louder than words

 

[Aliaiactaest]

Anonymous1999, as for your posts TL;DR but I read enough to get the gist. I'm guessing you are on the younger side, maybe in your early 20's and this is girl stuff. For sure, this is not what CTB is made for. You're young. You had a GF. You'll find another one.

I'm older--58. My heart was crushed with my first GF in college. I wanted to kill myself as well. Believe me, this stuff comes and goes. I'm older now. Have been through two divorces. Marriages are a whole different thing if you have kids and if you're older. AT your age, you have chances. At my age, not so much. The problem is that at my age, I should be with my family. But I'm not and I can't be. At my age, I'm not really interested in finding another companion--it's just not really realistic to think so, so I've got to contemplate a lifetime of loneliness. But you are in a different position.

 

[Soul]

Ok, it's your choice of course, but it doesn't sound like sitting at your place is getting you close to seeing her either. Taking a little time for someone else doesn't have to take you far afield, does it? I don't know the logistics so I shall shut up now. I just want you to change this record that you've got on repeat, because it's hurting you. (((Hugs)))

 

[An0nym0us1999]

Anonymous1999, as for your posts TL;DR but I read enough to get the gist. I'm guessing you are on the younger side, maybe in your early 20's and this is girl stuff. For sure, this is not what CTB is made for. You're young. You had a GF. You'll find another one.

I'm older--58. My heart was crushed with my first GF in college. I wanted to kill myself as well. Believe me, this stuff comes and goes. I'm older now. Have been through two divorces. Marriages are a whole different thing if you have kids and if you're older. AT your age, you have chances. At my age, not so much. The problem is that at my age, I should be with my family. But I'm not and I can't be. At my age, I'm not really interested in finding another companion--it's just not really realistic to think so, so I've got to contemplate a lifetime of loneliness. But you are in a different position.

I implore you read to the entirety, as I stated this isn't about a girl, this goes much deeper than a simple relationship. I'm trying to avoid CTB, however due to OTHER things it looks inevitable. Choose to read or not, but this is not about a female. She plays a big part in my decision, but she has no real responsibility over it.

 

[Aliaiactaest]

I implore you read to the entirety, as I stated this isn't about a girl, this goes much deeper than a simple relationship.

I've gone back and read more, but I still don't see much more than stuff about a girl. Not saying there isn't--it's just that you didn't (understandably) go into it that deeply.

 

[TraumaBunny]

Anonymous1999, as for your posts TL;DR but I read enough to get the gist. I'm guessing you are on the younger side, maybe in your early 20's and this is girl stuff. For sure, this is not what CTB is made for. You're young. You had a GF. You'll find another one.

I'm older--58. My heart was crushed with my first GF in college. I wanted to kill myself as well. Believe me, this stuff comes and goes. I'm older now. Have been through two divorces. Marriages are a whole different thing if you have kids and if you're older. AT your age, you have chances. At my age, not so much. The problem is that at my age, I should be with my family. But I'm not and I can't be. At my age, I'm not really interested in finding another companion--it's just not really realistic to think so, so I've got to contemplate a lifetime of loneliness. But you are in a different position.

I mean no disrespect but I don't think you're old enough to be contemplating a lifetime of loneliness. You're 58, not 108 lol Metallica are in their 50s and they're still rocking the world. Actors like Johnny Depp are in their 50s and they're dating twentysomethings. Guys who are much older than you, like Stallone, are in their 70s and they're still making action movies! I'm sorry you feel like your age is somehow a sign of failure but it really isn't.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

Ok, it's your choice of course, but it doesn't sound like sitting at your place is getting you close to seeing her either. Taking a little time for someone else doesn't have to take you far afield, does it? I don't know the logistics so I shall shut up now. I just want you to change this record that you've got on repeat, because it's hurting you. (((Hugs)))

I apologize for not being 110% specific. I honestly did not expect this to have the outreach it had, and I am confident now in telling my full story.


In as short as I can make it;

I had some heartbreaks. Realized early on that I needed someone to care about to be happy.

Decided to CTB at about 15 or 16. Mainly because:
Only certainties in life are losing loved ones, working, paying bills. None of this I wanted any part in, and selfish as it sounds, I am content doing it despite how everyone feels.

Enlisted in the army with an Opt 40 Ranger contract. Figured Id be directly in combat, figured I could die without doing it myself.

A girl I became friends with in high school liked me. Alot. I knew this. We hooked up a few times, i didn't want her to hook up with a guy who didn't care about her. But I did NOT want a relationship, I simply wanted to CTB.

We hung out often before I Shipped out. Ended up falling in love. She had abusive parents, took care of the house and her siblings, etc. She was very smart and mature for her age.

Told her a billion times I didn't want to date. Eventually changed when she carried me from a party in the woods, blackout drunk, to my car. She stayed up all night making sure I didn't axfixiate or anything. That's commitment you really dont find now a days, sad to say.

Fell in love with her, agreed to date. My family loved her. My mom and grandma who I follow every instruction to a T. Figured "at least a family will force me to go on, and ill be getting happiness out of it."

Her and I were perfect. No fights. No bad stuff. Her mom was a horrible abusive woman, and we both ended up helping her CTB (she asked me for help and I helped her. My GF knew. No secrets. It made things better for everyone to have that woman gone.)
Prior to that, she was talking to some dudes on a messaging app. She knew it was wrong. Nothing horrible, but I told her for months I would flip if she did that.

Gave her another chance. But at this point (after her mom CTB) I was quitting smoking for Basic so I was irritable. Add to the fact she ignored the one thing I asked of her. I was cruel, mean, and accused her of cheating very often.

Eventually this forced her to send nudes to her ex, and a few other guys. I went to use her laptop to research something and she divebombed me. Threw the computer, freaked. VERY unlike her. Took about 48 hours total of arguing it out of her. She didn't even admit everything. I tracked down the guy and threatened him into telling me. He squealed.

She sent nudes, told him she loved his body (admittedly better than mine; I was never in great shape) etc.

I definitely have a disorder, that kind of stuff makes me sick to my stomach and violently angry.

She lied and lied and lied. She was scared of losing me. She did it because of how cruel i had been over the messaging thing a little while prior.

She tried to act agressive and defensive. She tried acting like she did nothing wrong the very next day after I found out (through the other guy) what she had really done.

She gave me attitude and I snapped. It got physical. I beat the fuck out of her. Once. She immediately hugged me right after and cried and apologized for everything.


I agreed to stay with hee (honestly I'm attached and I couldnt have left anyway. I loved her too much.)

Throughout the next few months, we had some great times but I often brought up what happened during small arguments. I honestly thought it was justified, as cheating is unforgivable. I felt it was necessary to bring it up at some points.

I ended up shipping to basic. She wrote me 3 letters every day. She basically lived with my mom while I was gone.

Ended up deciding that the Army wasn't worth damaging what we had by being away for too long.

Told them all the shit my recruiter said to lie about, and got sent home.

Got an overnight job just to see her after school/work and got an apartment to start our lives together. Did everything I could.

She was always intrested in a threesome with another girl, as long as she was involved. However, since she cheated, she encouraged me to have sex with someone else. Wasn't really something i WANTED, but my GF wasn't exactly my dream type, and it didnt take much effort to text girls every once in a while.

Not to mention, my GF was okay with me being physical with another girl anyway, so this really wouldn't be a huge deal at all.

Found a girl after like 6 months of looking on the side. She was very nice and did alot for me and my GF. My GF really liked her.


Within the same week of meeting the other girl, my GFs dad started being as ass per usual. Trying to get us to split up before she moved out, as I predicted. She also started a stressful job in Welding/sheet metal and was often tired and grumpy.

Last 4 months go by, and my GF is trying to cast off this second girl on me. Bailing on me to see my sister or mom, telling me "just have her over, I'm busy today".

I explained to her numerous times that she was my priority, not the other girl.

I stopped doing anything with tje other girl about a month in. At most we would watch a movie as friends. Just didn't feel right.

Fast forward to about two weeks ago, my GF bails on me almost every day to go see my sister or her own family. Im pissed but I'm used to it. we had a fight, and I was a little mean. But after 4 months of her not bothering to see me, I felt justified.

She ignores me for a feel days, we had a talk on the phone, she told me to be with the other girl. WTF.

She cheats
Tells me to have sex with someone else

6 months later I finally do

She is cool with it, she is friendly and loving to me and nice to the other girl

We have ONE big (ish) fight about her not seeing me

She tries to break it off

She tells me that we will give it one more chance

We met in person every day at WalMart to talk, seemed to go Well, though she wouldn't text or call me before or after meeting every day.

She ignores me for a few days (after 6 days of meeting and talking things out) and finally tells me she wants to end it.


Sorry if this was long and a little mistyped. Phone is sh*tty and I've had a couple beers. I hope this gives some context.

 

[Soul]

That's a lot of intense emotion, @An0nym0us1999. I'm not sure I understand everything, but you do. To be honest it sounds like someone was bound to get badly hurt with all that going on, and a time-out is probably an excellent idea.

Hear are more (((hugs))). Good night.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

That's a lot of intense emotion, @An0nym0us1999. I'm not sure I understand everything, but you do. To be honest it sounds like someone was bound to get badly hurt with all that going on, and a time-out is probably an excellent idea.

Hear are more (((hugs))). Good night.

Thank you for the hugs, they mean alot. And idk. Every time we've taken a "break" it gets worse. This time it ended. Goodnight, feel free to talk more tomorrow

 

[Aliaiactaest]

I mean no disrespect but I don't think you're old enough to be contemplating a lifetime of loneliness. You're 58, not 108 lol Metallica are in their 50s and they're still rocking the world. Actors like Johnny Depp are in their 50s and they're dating twentysomethings. Guys who are much older than you, like Stallone, are in their 70s and they're still making action movies! I'm sorry you feel like your age is somehow a sign of failure but it really isn't.

Yes, that's what hurts. Age isn't my only issue, but it is one of them. But I'm not Sly Stallone or Johnny Depp. Not George Clooney or Brad Pitt either.

I apologize for not being 110% specific. I honestly did not expect this to have the outreach it had, and I am confident now in telling my full story.

Sorry, but I'm still not hearing anything more than a lot of relationship drama. I'm guessing you're young and believe me, it ain't worth CTB over. There are many women out there and you've yet to discover how large the world really is.

As for the relationship itself, it doesn't frankly sound all that healthy. Live and learn.

 

[TraumaBunny]

I apologize for not being 110% specific. I honestly did not expect this to have the outreach it had, and I am confident now in telling my full story.


In as short as I can make it;

I had some heartbreaks. Realized early on that I needed someone to care about to be happy.

Decided to CTB at about 15 or 16. Mainly because:
Only certainties in life are losing loved ones, working, paying bills. None of this I wanted any part in, and selfish as it sounds, I am content doing it despite how everyone feels.

Enlisted in the army with an Opt 40 Ranger contract. Figured Id be directly in combat, figured I could die without doing it myself.

A girl I became friends with in high school liked me. Alot. I knew this. We hooked up a few times, i didn't want her to hook up with a guy who didn't care about her. But I did NOT want a relationship, I simply wanted to CTB.

We hung out often before I Shipped out. Ended up falling in love. She had abusive parents, took care of the house and her siblings, etc. She was very smart and mature for her age.

Told her a billion times I didn't want to date. Eventually changed when she carried me from a party in the woods, blackout drunk, to my car. She stayed up all night making sure I didn't axfixiate or anything. That's commitment you really dont find now a days, sad to say.

Fell in love with her, agreed to date. My family loved her. My mom and grandma who I follow every instruction to a T. Figured "at least a family will force me to go on, and ill be getting happiness out of it."

Her and I were perfect. No fights. No bad stuff. Her mom was a horrible abusive woman, and we both ended up helping her CTB (she asked me for help and I helped her. My GF knew. No secrets. It made things better for everyone to have that woman gone.)
Prior to that, she was talking to some dudes on a messaging app. She knew it was wrong. Nothing horrible, but I told her for months I would flip if she did that.

Gave her another chance. But at this point (after her mom CTB) I was quitting smoking for Basic so I was irritable. Add to the fact she ignored the one thing I asked of her. I was cruel, mean, and accused her of cheating very often.

Eventually this forced her to send nudes to her ex, and a few other guys. I went to use her laptop to research something and she divebombed me. Threw the computer, freaked. VERY unlike her. Took about 48 hours total of arguing it out of her. She didn't even admit everything. I tracked down the guy and threatened him into telling me. He squealed.

She sent nudes, told him she loved his body (admittedly better than mine; I was never in great shape) etc.

I definitely have a disorder, that kind of stuff makes me sick to my stomach and violently angry.

She lied and lied and lied. She was scared of losing me. She did it because of how cruel i had been over the messaging thing a little while prior.

She tried to act agressive and defensive. She tried acting like she did nothing wrong the very next day after I found out (through the other guy) what she had really done.

She gave me attitude and I snapped. It got physical. I beat the fuck out of her. Once. She immediately hugged me right after and cried and apologized for everything.


I agreed to stay with hee (honestly I'm attached and I couldnt have left anyway. I loved her too much.)

Throughout the next few months, we had some great times but I often brought up what happened during small arguments. I honestly thought it was justified, as cheating is unforgivable. I felt it was necessary to bring it up at some points.

I ended up shipping to basic. She wrote me 3 letters every day. She basically lived with my mom while I was gone.

Ended up deciding that the Army wasn't worth damaging what we had by being away for too long.

Told them all the shit my recruiter said to lie about, and got sent home.

Got an overnight job just to see her after school/work and got an apartment to start our lives together. Did everything I could.

She was always intrested in a threesome with another girl, as long as she was involved. However, since she cheated, she encouraged me to have sex with someone else. Wasn't really something i WANTED, but my GF wasn't exactly my dream type, and it didnt take much effort to text girls every once in a while.

Not to mention, my GF was okay with me being physical with another girl anyway, so this really wouldn't be a huge deal at all.

Found a girl after like 6 months of looking on the side. She was very nice and did alot for me and my GF. My GF really liked her.


Within the same week of meeting the other girl, my GFs dad started being as ass per usual. Trying to get us to split up before she moved out, as I predicted. She also started a stressful job in Welding/sheet metal and was often tired and grumpy.

Last 4 months go by, and my GF is trying to cast off this second girl on me. Bailing on me to see my sister or mom, telling me "just have her over, I'm busy today".

I explained to her numerous times that she was my priority, not the other girl.

I stopped doing anything with tje other girl about a month in. At most we would watch a movie as friends. Just didn't feel right.

Fast forward to about two weeks ago, my GF bails on me almost every day to go see my sister or her own family. Im pissed but I'm used to it. we had a fight, and I was a little mean. But after 4 months of her not bothering to see me, I felt justified.

She ignores me for a feel days, we had a talk on the phone, she told me to be with the other girl. WTF.

She cheats
Tells me to have sex with someone else

6 months later I finally do

She is cool with it, she is friendly and loving to me and nice to the other girl

We have ONE big (ish) fight about her not seeing me

She tries to break it off

She tells me that we will give it one more chance

We met in person every day at WalMart to talk, seemed to go Well, though she wouldn't text or call me before or after meeting every day.

She ignores me for a few days (after 6 days of meeting and talking things out) and finally tells me she wants to end it.


Sorry if this was long and a little mistyped. Phone is sh*tty and I've had a couple beers. I hope this gives some context.

This sounds like a toxic relationship founded on control rather than romantic love with copious amounts of abuse from either side.

So I'm no longer sure if you're experiencing any heartbreak. I'm beginning to get the impression that it's the prospect of relinquishing control of her that's made you want to die or you're considering suicide as a means of punishing her for leaving you.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm just going by what I've just read.

But if I'm right, wounded pride is easier to mend than a broken heart and ultimately, the relationship itself was bad for you both. You're both lucky it's over

Your life doesn't have to be though.

 

[An0nym0us1999]

This sounds like a toxic relationship founded on control rather than romantic love with copious amounts of abuse from either side.

So I'm no longer sure if you're experiencing any heartbreak. I'm beginning to get the impression that it's the prospect of relinquishing control of her that's made you want to die or you're considering suicide as a means of punishing her for leaving you.

Forgive me if I'm wrong, I'm just going by what I've just read.

But if I'm right, wounded pride is easier to mend than a broken heart and ultimately, the relationship itself was bad for you both. You're both lucky it's over

Your life doesn't have to be though.

Which is why I didnt want to write the story on a forum.

Not relinquishing control.

Her friends, my friends, my family, everyone is of the mindset that she has a disorder of some kind, possibly what her mother had.

I am not fighting for control.

I have an outlook on life. PERIOD. NO RELATIONSHIP INVOLVED. SEPERATE THE TWO. THEY ARE NOT INTERTWINED.

I entered a relationship, and it gave me the hope and promise (on her part) that it would keep things on an even keel so that I may enjoy life.

She (for no reason, she will not give anyone a reason and she will not talk to anyone about it) has decided to leave. She claims that we can "not make it work", yet she puts absolutely no effort into trying.

I have sacrificed everything I could possibly think of in an effort to make her happy and lately it never went anywhere.

Don't confuse this for "controlling" behavior even for one second. I've had this talk with plenty of people (in person, who know the situation a bit more in depth) and everyone agrees: what she is doing is cruel, and in essense unthoughtful. Your actions affect other people and she chooses to turn a blind eye to this. If I were to CTB, AS STATED MULTIPLE TIMES, it would be for an unrelated purpose. She was my olive branch into staying around, and for two years she gave every indication that she was in it for the long haul. But it was her decision to hurt me, and I reacted how I swore I would. I never broke her trust or went behind her. Everyone involved knows this.

Not to sound angry, but I am tired of having to explain to people that she is not a lonely helpless victim under my reign. This relationship was not abusive until she crossed that line. I told her several times in plain English "If you cheat on me, I will snap. Probably hurt you. Things will never be the same and I will never trust you again." Before we dated. She chose to ignore this, and I only went through with what I said would happen.

You can not torment somebody and expect them to remain dormant. I do not claim abuse. I do not claim that she abused me because that is the gateway to the finger-pointing game. We never fought over a single issue apart from not seeing each other. Never was there a dispute about money, words, anything. Just communication and effort. So neither of us was abused. I do not claim that I was, but I sure as hell did not do anything to her that she did not essentially beg me for, literally or in the way of testing waters to see what could be gotten away with.

 

[Dawn0071111]

She'll likely hoover you in again down the line because that's what Cluster B's do with anyone designated to be their source of supply. You'll be recycled over and over if you're not careful. Learn to see what she really is, a lowly parasite seeking a host to feed from. She's a garden variety tick masquerading as a human being. She'll mirror everyone she meets in order to establish a superficial and fickle connection or bond to them, before growing bored of the act or getting caught. Then she'll run. It's because she has no actual personality of her own. She's just a void. I guarantee she'll be back in the future. Either for a place to stay or sex. It's because Cluster Bs never go away. So, instead of killing yourself use this time to heal in preparation for her inevitable return. Then kick her to the curb. It'll be worth the wait, trust me

My God your so right....... I came to this board due to my first encounter with a cluster b. I wish I had known about it.... I didn't know..... I got broken...... The TRAUMA BOND is beyond any evil I could have ever imagined.