Playing it cool or not - suicide

[unabletocope]

If you can't play it cool in life you're fucked, which may be why it's tough to be autistic. I'm not autistic but I have always struggled to play it cool, I'm not oversensitive to things but I have tended to react easily and this pattern has fucked me up in life. Having temperamental parents doesn't help either, I probably picked up the pattern from them and from there it grew like a dark stain, over time the stain has festered and despite everything it just got worse and worse. I have gone so wrong in life, there is no way out for me, no way I can correct myself into something that I want to stay alive for, the more time I spend alive the more I desperately want to die, I will kill myself eventually

 

[Throwawayacc3]

If you can't play it cool in life you're fucked, which may be why it's tough to be autistic. I'm not autistic but I have always struggled to play it cool, I'm not oversensitive to things but I have tended to react easily and this pattern has fucked me up in life. Having temperamental parents doesn't help either, I probably picked up the pattern from them and from there it grew like a dark stain, over time the stain has festered and despite everything it just got worse and worse. I have gone so wrong in life, there is no way out for me, no way I can correct myself into something that I want to stay alive for, the more time I spend alive the more I desperately want to die, I will kill myself eventually

Pattern recognition and "picking up stuff from them" can be both masking and learning their behaviours/patterns. I don't think you should say "im not autistic" until you have a look. There are a lot of other factors to it. You don't have to have all of the points in order to be on the spectrum. Questioning this stuff was driving me bananas (I'm 35 and trying to be checked at the moment).

Have a read https://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/symptoms-of-autism

That's just a starter - I'd recommend reading other papers and studies so you can comprehend how your life have been shaped potentially by this issue.

A few points which may peak people's interest in the subject:

• Repetitive behaviors like hand-flapping, rocking, jumping, or twirling
• Constant moving (pacing) and "hyper" behavior
• Fixations on certain activities or objects
• Specific routines or rituals (and getting upset when a routine is changed, even slightly)
• Extreme sensitivity to touch, light, and sound
• Not taking part in "make-believe" play or imitating others' behaviors
• Fussy eating habits

 

[unabletocope]

Pattern recognition and "picking up stuff from them" can be both masking and learning their behaviours/patterns. I don't think you should say "im not autistic" until you have a look. There are a lot of other factors to it. You don't have to have all of the points in order to be on the spectrum. Questioning this stuff was driving me bananas (I'm 35 and trying to be checked at the moment).

Have a read https://www.webmd.com/brain/autism/symptoms-of-autism

That's just a starter - I'd recommend reading other papers and studies so you can comprehend how your life have been shaped potentially by this issue.

A few points which may peak people's interest in the subject:

• Repetitive behaviors like hand-flapping, rocking, jumping, or twirling
• Constant moving (pacing) and "hyper" behavior
• Fixations on certain activities or objects
• Specific routines or rituals (and getting upset when a routine is changed, even slightly)
• Extreme sensitivity to touch, light, and sound
• Not taking part in "make-believe" play or imitating others' behaviors
• Fussy eating habits

This doesn't apply to me but thanks for sharing, it's informative

 

[Throwawayacc3]

It's definitely trauma to some agree. Could be ADHD. Problem is you have to look into these things yourself (I don't know your age) but that's unfortunately how things work now. Gas lighting from parents is the worst thing - "that's not trauma, I would know" "that's not trauma, look at other people in worse situations than you" all this type of talk.

 

[unabletocope]

It's definitely trauma to some agree. Could be ADHD. Problem is you have to look into these things yourself (I don't know your age) but that's unfortunately how things work now. Gas lighting from parents is the worst thing - "that's not trauma, I would know" "that's not trauma, look at other people in worse situations than you" all this type of talk.

I'm old enough. ADHD is quite explosive, I knew kids with ADHD who would set fire to computers, ride bikes indoors, I've never been like that. I hate this fucked up overdiagnosing culture we live in

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I'm old enough. ADHD is quite explosive, I knew kids with ADHD who would set fire to computers, ride bikes indoors, I've never been like that. I hate this fucked up overdiagnosing culture we live in

The overdiagnosing aspect is a thing. Experienced that with GPs but their only answer was up the meds. I want answers to problems and data to back it up. That's why I'm so adamant on the autism aspect but I know I have to speak with "professionals" to at least question them and show them what I've researched to be sure it's the correct path. They already trying throwing everything to see if it stuck - maybe it's brain chemistry, bipolar, etc but the answer to ALL of them seems to be pills and more pills. Had to ween off them and it took 3 months to get out of my system. Turned me into a zombie from Resident Evil (not the crimson head kind).

 

[theboy]

I am sorry you are having that problem. I hope you can get good treatment and manage the situation better.

 

[unabletocope]

Its all madness. I'm going mad, might have awareness of it for now that keeps me from going over but I'm totally mad, I need to put myself down to save myself, I destroyed myself when I was 19, should have never have kept turning up at someone's work but I wasn't keen on social media at the time, needed to know who was there, going on nights out with certain guys that I wasn't happy with didn't appeal to me. I kept going while not being sure to say so I kept turning up and saying nothing, I don't know if that's social awkwardness, trying to talk to someone is not socially awkward even if you don't know what to say but I know it wasn't 'the right way to do it' and ever since then I've been suicidal, the world laughs at me, kicks and spits on me and tells me to grow up. I am worthless, pathetic, useless, I wish I was dead I've lost everything