Plan to CTB today (SN)

[inhaunted-attics]

Hello, all - I hope you're all doing okay. Sending love from my corner of the internet. I had a (short-lived) account with a similar username and identical avatar but deleted my posts because I worried about my loved ones finding this site. However, I find myself in a position where I need to talk to someone or just get some reassurance...idk. I'm a disaster. I just really don't want to be alone.

I am trying to work up the courage to CTB with SN tonight. I've been fasting for about 15 hours, and I also took laxatives yesterday (I don't know if anyone else talks about this - I haven't seen it - but I have an immense fear of my loved ones finding my...soiled...body. It's gross and I don't want to put them through that).

Here is what I have laid out:

8-9pm - 600mb ibuprofen
9:15pm - 30 mg meto (I've had this for two years...ever since I went to treatment for an eating disorder, so I'm not sure if it will work - I do have extras and could take more if needed)
9:30pm - 2x famotidine 20 mg
10pm - 50g SN

Anyway, does sound like I'm on the right track? I think I did my research and hope that the SN I have is legit, but I don't want to open and test it until I'm ready to CTB this evening. I guess I'm just looking for reassurance.

I have this sinking feeling that my SI will kick in so I want to make sure that I can be successful even if that happens. I don't have any benzos, but I do have OTC sleeping pills (doxylamine) - do you think taking some an hour or so before I take the SN will help? I have alcohol, too, but I don't want to mess with SN absorption and am not sure how alcohol interacts.

Also, is chewing gum to alleviate the aftertaste okay?

 

[Emmie]

I'm concerned about taking sleeping pills (or too many benzos) because of possibly vomiting out the lethal dose while passed out. Maybe you should take your sleeping pills closer to the time you ingest SN.

Also, why are you taking 50g, which is twice the recommended amount?

Are you sure you want to do this? You have exhausted all other possible options? Good luck to you.

 

[inhaunted-attics]

I'm concerned about taking sleeping pills (or too many benzos) because of possibly vomiting out the lethal dose while passed out. Maybe you should take your sleeping pills closer to the time you ingest SN.

Also, why are you taking 50g, which is twice the recommended amount?

Are you sure you want to do this? You have exhausted all other possible options? Good luck to you.

Thank you for the reply! Fair point about the SN...I think I'm just anxious to make this work, so I thought I could take the whole bag (I only have 50g), but I could definitely split it into two doses, just in case. I may just skip the sleeping pills. I wish I could just blink out of existence without pain, but I have to work with what I have.

I have tried everything, from meds to psych wards to treatment centers and group therapy. I think the only things I haven't tried are ECT and ketamine therapy. Re: being sure, I honestly, I don't think I'll ever get over my fear of the unknown, but I feel like I just have to face it.

 

[Huntfish34]

I really don't know enough about SN to answer any of your questions..... But I'm sending you thoughts and prayers regardless of what happens.

Godspeed. -

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I just hope you can find some peace no matter how you need to get there. We all deserve it.

 

[Emmie]

Thank you for the reply! Fair point about the SN...I think I'm just anxious to make this work, so I thought I could take the whole bag (I only have 50g), but I could definitely split it into two doses, just in case. I may just skip the sleeping pills. I wish I could just blink out of existence without pain, but I have to work with what I have.

I have tried everything, from meds to psych wards to treatment centers and group therapy. I think the only things I haven't tried are ECT and ketamine therapy. Re: being sure, I honestly, I don't think I'll ever get over my fear of the unknown, but I feel like I just have to face it.

When people only have 50g they usually make two glasses of 25g each (the second one being the back up) or they make three glasses, one with 20g and two back ups with 15g each.

If there's any doubt you could always abort now. While you try to recover you could finish your SN kit by doing things like tracking down some benzos. I'm trying a few last things to avoid CTBing, but I will almost certainly be just a few months behind you if you do go tonight.

 

[inhaunted-attics]

I definitely will do it tonight. I think a little distress is normal. I am going to put on some Supernatural to pass the time until then and I'll update this thread after I take the SN. I know nobody here knows me, but thank you guys for being kind and letting me ramble on my last day.

 

[reverse03]

Have a safe travel. You may find peace.
I am planning to take it by tomorrow morning, so see you on the other side.

 

[reverse03]

I definitely will do it tonight. I think a little distress is normal. I am going to put on some Supernatural to pass the time until then and I'll update this thread after I take the SN. I know nobody here knows me, but thank you guys for being kind and letting me ramble on my last day.

Are you still here? You didn't update the thread. I hope you are in peace.

 

[Shivali]

 

[FuneralCry]

I hope that you found the freedom that you wished for.

 

[EndlessDespair]

Hope your last moments were quick and painless. Rest in peace soldier🕊

 

[Per Ardua Ad Astra]

Per ardua ad astra

 

[StolenLife]

I hope you find peace. Farewell.

 

[Jadzia]

 

[MentalStefan]

I wish you a safe and peaceful journey

 

[Pentobarbital_Plz]

May you find true peace! <3

 

[heavyeyes]

I hope you found peace

 

[spixs_macaw]

 

[dead lightbulb]

Hope you found peace

 

[Forever Sleep]

I hope you found freedom from your suffering and are at peace now. 🕊