Discussion People with a definite method, what is holding you?

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

For me it is family and slight amount of hope. After those two reasons is fear of failure (in-spite of reasonable research and preparation).

I do feel my direction towards ctb will only further over time and I just need to prepare towards it.

I have progressed enough towards a definite method (carbon monoxide), but I still have some hope left.

how about you?

 

[willitpass]

The fear of failure. I've been through every treatment possible, from every form of outpatient therapy, to inpatient and residential, you name a medication I've tried it, they even did shock therapy. The only treatment left for me is Ketamine therapy but I don't think my insurance would be on board for that. If I fail and my family finds out, I would be sectioned, probably have all of my rights to myself given to my father, and would have to start the bullshit process all over again knowing it would fail. I would lose my apartment, my car, my autonomy, my job, my cat, everything. I refuse to do that. If I'm going to do it I HAVE to succeed.

 

[Zaphkiel]

money, hope.
I laso know that if i die by suicide now, my insurance doesnt cover it and will left my relatives in debt, whereas if i wait some month, they'll have a nice flat i worked all my life for free (value around 300k€) wich is better to get for free than having to pay for it.

 

[MeltingBrain]

Still squeezing last good drops from my life + Family + SI .

 

[kråkevind]

My mum. Both my sisters are gone, drowning accident and murdered, and I saw what it did to her. I can't stand to think what would happen to her if I ctb before she passes. My dad has already passed away so now it's only me and her.

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

My mum. Both my sisters are gone, drowning accident and murdered, and I saw what it did to her. I can't stand to think what would happen to her if I ctb before she passes. My dad has already passed away so now it's only me and her.

my heart aches for you. this is heartbreaking to just read. you are a good child. nonetheless I can only imagine the suffering.

 

[MeltingBrain]

My mum. Both my sisters are gone, drowning accident and murdered, and I saw what it did to her. I can't stand to think what would happen to her if I ctb before she passes. My dad has already passed away so now it's only me and her.

Can't imagine what you must have gone through . May they rest in peace .

 

[crimsonpool]

the only thing really is a fear of failing and ending up in a coma but it's not the coma itself its that my family members could come into my room and talk to me/touch me/cry etc and i really hate them so that makes my skin crawl. i have to figure out a way that won't happen first. that and there's two concerts i want to go to this year so i might wait and see if i can go but after that its pretty much a done deal

 

[JustWantOut500]

Partial is pretty much my only (potentially) painless option, and it's just been fear of failure and SI keeping me from doing it.

Plus I can't do it where I'm currently living, (can't have my family be the ones to find me), so I have to do it either in the woods or a hotel. I've tried the woods twice, SI kicked in both times with fear of being found too soon. The fear of being found would go away with a hotel, but I don't wanna spend the money on one only for SI to prevent me again. Ugh.

This shit is such a mess. Just give us a painless/legal way out

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

the only thing really is a fear of failing and ending up in a coma but it's not the coma itself its that my family members could come into my room and talk to me/touch me/cry etc and i really hate them so that makes my skin crawl. i have to figure out a way that won't happen first. that and there's two concerts i want to go to this year so i might wait and see if i can go but after that its pretty much a done deal

sounds like you have a tough situation with your family. Its tough when its your own family that is the cause, and many a times it is that can create such deep emotions. waiting for couple concerts sounds like a good reason to hold a bit longer for me. I had my series of such things over the past year. I wish I had more of those. I just dont have anything left that can espouse a positive emotional experience anymore.

which is your preferred method?

 

[crimsonpool]

sounds like you have a tough situation with your family. Its tough when its your own family that is the cause, and many a times it is that can create such deep emotions. waiting for couple concerts sounds like a good reason to hold a bit longer for me. I had my series of such things over the past year. I wish I had more of those. I just dont have anything left that can espouse a positive emotional experience anymore.

which is your preferred method?

yeah, i do..i hope something nice comes again for you soon
most likely partial suspension hanging, if that doesnt work then pills

 

[CentreMid]

For me it is family and slight amount of hope. After those two reasons is fear of failure (in-spite of reasonable research and preparation).

I do feel my direction towards ctb will only further over time and I just need to prepare towards it.

I have progressed enough towards a definite method (carbon monoxide), but I still have some hope left.

how about you?

I can't live for myself anymore. I'm only holding on because of outside commitments and putting on a brave face to make sure nobody worries about me. I have to continue making peace with death so I can properly prioritize my death and continue to make peace with it.

 

[ohyouknow]

Paying for my kids to go to college.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Fear of failure / becoming a veggie, not all hope is gone, family.

 

[SomethingsOff]

The more lethal the method, the more life-altering it is if you fail. Failure scares me. Also the fact that I don't currently have the money for a shotgun. I'm saving, for now. A tiny part of me hopes it'll magically get better, too. But I know that won't happen.

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

The more lethal the method, the more life-altering it is if you fail. Failure scares me. Also the fact that I don't currently have the money for a shotgun. I'm saving, for now. A tiny part of me hopes it'll magically get better, too. But I know that won't happen.

100%. Best is to try once and only once. shotgun is a good method for likely try only once. SS is a safe space that surely helped me from doing something stupid in a hurry by giving me something to hold on for a bit longer. hope you find your definite method and/or your situation improves.

 

[soft-flower345]

Time and friends who care about me, I almost have all my affairs in order and everything prepped, but I want to die just after the peak of my youth(25 years old) so I can make some more happy memories with them to remember me by(I hope they just forget me though) and push them away beforehand.

 

[neurotic]

Family. They need me so much every day and I'm some times the only reliable ones in their lives. When I know they'll be okay, I'm going to ctb.

 

[kråkevind]

Fear of failure / becoming a veggie, not all hope is gone, family.

Failure/veggie are a couple of my bigger fears.

 

[jphouellebecq]

I have a preorder for Pikmin 4 /hj

 

[Zulu]

Small number of people I deeply care about who still need me. Without them, I'd probably be gone already.

 

[The Final Solution]

My life ain't wrecked enough yet, I suppose.

 

[DurkheimsCat]

The fear of failure. I've been through every treatment possible, from every form of outpatient therapy, to inpatient and residential, you name a medication I've tried it, they even did shock therapy. The only treatment left for me is Ketamine therapy but I don't think my insurance would be on board for that. If I fail and my family finds out, I would be sectioned, probably have all of my rights to myself given to my father, and would have to start the bullshit process all over again knowing it would fail. I would lose my apartment, my car, my autonomy, my job, my cat, everything. I refuse to do that. If I'm going to do it I HAVE to succeed.

this is me too, only I have tried Ketamine. Insurance won't cover it but it's not expensive ($50-$60 for quite a lot actually). Finding a provider for KAP (ketamine assisted psychotherapy) is the harder part and they won't take insurance for it. But it's definitely worth a shot. It got me out of my suicidal ideation last year but I had to stop because it was irritating my bladder (a kinda rare side effect).

 

[dimstar]

People who still need me and the fear of the pain I'd cause them

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

I'm saving up for my SN and will hopefully order it in a week. I'll buy my meto right before I execute it.
The thing holding me back is, not wanting another failure. It's been a painful 2 years of recovery(mentally. Not physically) and I don't want another refractory period.
I am definitely going to drive a knife into my heart if I fail SN.

 

[Fr0sty]

For me it's mostly the fear of failure and my family/friends finding out that I want to die. I have some hope that I will eventually get better, but I have been like this for so long I forget what it was like to not wish that I would cease to exist at every waking moment and the smarter part of realizes that this hope is unfounded.

 

[SunnyDay_NoSunshine]

I'm saving up for my SN and will hopefully order it in a week. I'll buy my meto right before I execute it.
The thing holding me back is, not wanting another failure. It's been a painful 2 years of recovery(mentally. Not physically) and I don't want another refractory period.
I am definitely going to drive a knife into my heart if I fail SN.

hugs to you, you sound defeated. Good to hear that you took your time at recovery. life tough and it sucks that it is never certain even to end it.
What was your first method and how did it fail?

For me it's mostly the fear of failure and my family/friends finding out that I want to die. I have some hope that I will eventually get better, but I have been like this for so long I forget what it was like to not wish that I would cease to exist at every waking moment and the smarter part of realizes that this hope is unfounded.

I hear you regarding hope. it is the same for me. but I am still clinging on to it and trying that path too, it is nice that way. Do feel time is catching up

 

[l0stc4use]

i'm scared to order sn and get in trouble with the police and make my life worse. and i'm scared of the process of dying. i don't want to leave my cats behind. i guess i also do have some slight hope. oh also, the fear of failing and fucking myself up so badly to not be able to attempt again. why can't i just die at the snap of my fingers?

 

[DazaiKinnie]

There are too many people where I live, so I will be saved if I attempt, I have an emergency kit, but it will take some time, the method is a little slower but won't cause much pain.

 

[-FrozenRobot-]

hugs to you, you sound defeated. Good to hear that you took your time at recovery. life tough and it sucks that it is never certain even to end it.
What was your first method and how did it fail?

My first method was partial. Door left unlocked and was found having seizures. Almost successful