People who have made a genuinely serious attempt: How did you overcome SI in the critical moment?

[Cryptonite]

Hey everybody,

I've been working on my SI so hard these days. But so far, no success.

I guess there is no better way than asking people who have already overcome it. How did you do it? What catalysts did you use? Did you tell something to yourself, did you do some specific action?

Thank you.

 

[アホペンギン]

If anyone cares, I did attempt many times in my life. Nearly a dozen attempts at this point but only once I overcame the SI involved in attempting.

It was my attempt with SN some time ago, I don't know how I brought myself to drink the SN but nor do I remember what I felt at the time but all I can say is that I was ready for whatever was going to happen after I drank the SN. But, I underestimated how bad my nausea would really be so that was just an understatement. And I was also tired of life which contributed to the ability to defeat SI.

 

[deafening]

I'm afraid those who fully overcame it, may not be here to tell the tale.

 

[Cryptonite]

If anyone cares, I did attempt many times in my life. Nearly a dozen attempts at this point but only once I overcame the SI involved in attempting.

It was my attempt with SN some time ago, I don't know how I brought myself to drink the SN but nor do I remember what I felt at the time but all I can say is that I was ready for whatever was going to happen after I drank the SN. But, I underestimated how bad my nausea would really be so that was just an understatement. And I was also tired of life which contributed to the ability to defeat SI.

I've heard similar stories from other people. Basically, they kept attempting until they experienced a moment when their SI was temporarily turned off. How did you manage to survive?

 

[アホペンギン]

How did you manage to survive?

I had in my plan: "After throwing up the 3rd glass, call the hospital"
After I threw up the 3rd glass thats exactly what I did and since the hospital is actually very close to where I live, I got saved relatively quickly.

 

[Lost Magic]

Just last week after my drunken night out I was so on the verge of just ending it all but I ended up taking 15grams of Magic Truffles instead (they didn't make me hallucinate or anything btw). For me, It's horrible when you want to die so badly but something gets in the way instead. My mother tried to kill herself 3 times (before I was born). So the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

 

[soleil]

If anyone cares, I did attempt many times in my life. Nearly a dozen attempts at this point but only once I overcame the SI involved in attempting.

It was my attempt with SN some time ago, I don't know how I brought myself to drink the SN but nor do I remember what I felt at the time but all I can say is that I was ready for whatever was going to happen after I drank the SN. But, I underestimated how bad my nausea would really be so that was just an understatement. And I was also tired of life which contributed to the ability to defeat SI.

You vomited, dry heaved and called for medical though…? That is SI… if you didn't do any of that I would consider that defeated.

 

[アホペンギン]

You puked, dry heaved and called for medical right? That is SI… if you didn't do any of that I would consider that defeated.

I think the biggest step is actually drinking the SN but you're right about that.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I had in my plan: "After throwing up the 3rd glass, call the hospital"
After I threw up the 3rd glass thats exactly what I did and since the hospital is actually very close to where I live, I got saved relatively quickly.

Why did you call the hospital though? Why have that in your plan? Surely a bit of dry heaving is tolerable!

 

[アホペンギン]

Why did you call the hospital though? Why have that in your plan? Surely a bit of dry heaving is tolerable!

Dry heaving after throwing up all of the SN?

 

[Cryptonite]

I had in my plan: "After throwing up the 3rd glass, call the hospital"
After I threw up the 3rd glass thats exactly what I did and since the hospital is actually very close to where I live, I got saved relatively quickly.

Did you use antiemetics?

 

[アホペンギン]

Did you use antiemetics?

Yes, 30mg metoclopramide
I take 5mg daily (now 10mg because of stress without the doctor's consent) and it somewhat reduces my nausea so I though 30mg would be more than enough. Wrong.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Dry heaving after throwing up all of the SN?

How do you know you threw up all of it though? If enough entered your system, you'd still die even if you vomit continuously. Did you receive the antidote, methylene blue?

 

[アホペンギン]

How do you know you threw up all of it though? If enough entered your system, you'd still die even if you vomit continuously. Did you receive the antidote, methylene blue?

I just threw up a lot and I assume I started panicking, I threw up more and more until nothing else came out.
I got the antidote

 

[Cryptonite]

Yes, 30mg metoclopramide
I take 5mg daily (now 10mg because of stress without the doctor's consent) and it somewhat reduces my nausea so I though 30mg would be more than enough. Wrong.

I see. Although it wasn't successful, I think just drinking SN (and even more times) would put it into a "genuinely serious" category. I'm sorry you didn't succeed, but now you know you can actually do it. Did you use benzos?

 

[Deleted member 65988]

I think the biggest step is actually drinking the SN but you're right about that.

Wait, why would it be the biggest step when overcoming the symptoms is the biggest one I think

 

[qw3rty259]

I think most people will disagree with me, but I don't think there is such thing as the "survival instinct". It's just that you know what pain feels like and you don't want to experience it. The main function of the feeling of pain is to make people live longer. So I think you just don't really want to die if you're fearing. Your pain of living just doesn't outwaight the prospect of pain you have to endure during CTBing.

 

[Deleted member 65988]

Your pain of living just doesn't outwaight the prospect of pain you have to endure during CTBing.

This makes sense which is why people who do ctb are aware of the pain they are in if the method has some degree of pain but they don't care at that point and want to get out of whatever sad situation they are where they don't see any reason to stay any longer than they should. That being said, it still does sound a survival mechanism.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

I just threw up a lot and I assume I started panicking, I threw up more and more until nothing else came out.
I got the antidote

Did the doctors tell you whether you'd have survived without the antidote?

I'm confident I won't panic when the vomiting and dry heaving begins. Just got to sum up the courage to do it now. I'm suffering every day from a breathing disorder, so I'm confident I can overcome SI and actually drink the stuff. The key will be avoiding the panic when the inevitable vomiting starts.

 

[Cryptonite]

I think most people will disagree with me, but I don't think there is such thing as the "survival instinct". It's just that you know what pain feels like and you don't want to experience it. The main function of the feeling of pain is to make people live longer. So I think you just don't really want to die if you're fearing. Your pain of living just doesn't outwaight the prospect of pain you have to endure during CTBing.

Many people would agree with your sentiments but I beg to disagree. SI is so strong that it stops people from CTBing themselves long after they've reached the point when their life is a clear net negative.

Did the doctors tell you whether you'd have survived without the antidote?

I'm confident I won't panic when the vomiting and dry heaving begins. Just got to sum up the courage to do it now. I'm suffering every day from a breathing disorder, so I'm confident I can overcome SI and actually drink the stuff. The key will be avoiding the panic when the inevitable vomiting starts.

Is your breathing disorder your main reason to go?

 

[アホペンギン]

Did the doctors tell you whether you'd have survived without the antidote?

I'm confident I won't panic when the vomiting and dry heaving begins. Just got to sum up the courage to do it now. I'm suffering every day from a breathing disorder, so I'm confident I can overcome SI and actually drink the stuff. The key will be avoiding the panic when the inevitable vomiting starts.

Some SN got into my system and it was actually the lethal amount so I wouldn't have survived without the antidote but its impossible to know how much SN you have left in you while attempting. I only assumed the worst (not enough SN) because I threw up a lot.

Sorry you're struggling with that breathing disorder, I hope you can find relief from it someday. :)

 

[dggtscccvfd]

Many people would agree with your sentiments but I beg to disagree. SI is so strong that it stops people from CTBing themselves long after they've reached the point when their life is a clear net negative.

Is your breathing disorder your main reason to go?

Yes. It's horrible. I did a stupid thing and misused a nasal spray designed for short term use long term. Now my nose doesn't work properly and each and every breath is uncomfortable. It's sad, as I was happy before but now I'm suffering. I see no point in living when I'm suffering.

Some SN got into my system and it was actually the lethal amount so I wouldn't have survived without the antidote but its impossible to know how much SN you have left in you while attempting. I only assumed the worst (not enough SN) because I threw up a lot.

Sorry you're struggling with that breathing disorder, I hope you can find relief from it someday. :)

My relief will come via SN!

 

[Cryptonite]

Yes. It's horrible. I did a stupid thing and misused a nasal spray designed for short term use long term. Now my nose doesn't work properly and each and every breath is uncomfortable. It's sad, as I was happy before but now I'm suffering. I see no point in living when I'm suffering.

My relief will come via SN!

I'm also CTBing because of my genetic spinal disease. It could have been cured if diagnosed early but docs did not care. Otherwise, I'd want to live (maybe I'm crazy, life would be still hard).

 

[qw3rty259]

That being said, it still does sound a survival mechanism.

Yeah, it is, I just don't like how people percive this so called survival "instinct" like some unreasonable desire to live that is inherent in every individual

 

[Dying Knight]

I guess there is no better way than asking people who have already overcome it. How did you do it? What catalysts did you use?

I can only tell that I managed to overcome it when I experimented with suffocation even without a desire to die. If you can't overcome it with a desire to die, you probably still have strong reasons to be living and your intuition tells you this.

 

[loterius]

There must be zero hesitation and 100% belief dead it is the right and only right choice for your situation and then you succeed with nearly everly method. Thats why i take my moment of choice carefully because i know for sure i dont come back by then. I dont do attempts. Good preparation is extremely important for a high succes rate.

 

[Cryptonite]

There must be zero hesitation and 100% belief dead it is the right and only right choice for your situation and then you succeed with nearly everly method. Thats why i take my moment of choice carefully because i know for sure i dont come back by then. I dont do attempts. Good preparation is extremely important for a high succes rate.

I respect your approach - no attempts. And I agree, good preparation and desensitization is the key. It must be methodical. And no demonstrative behaviours, as no one can help us (if they could, we would obviously receive help).

 

[conflagration]

In my case it was spike of anger due to external circumstances that overrided SI.

 

[Captive_Mind515]

Yes. It's horrible. I did a stupid thing and misused a nasal spray designed for short term use long term. Now my nose doesn't work properly and each and every breath is uncomfortable. It's sad, as I was happy before but now I'm suffering. I see no point in living when I'm suffering.

My relief will come via SN!

Sorry you're going through that. What sort of nasal spray did you misuse? It must have had very powerful drugs to cause such problems.

I think SI can be overcome in different ways by different people. You maybe need to figure out what makes you tick on a personal level. For some people, it might be building up some anger/rage at life or your circumstances and allowing that aggressive energy to propel you through the fear etc. For others it could be a completely different approach. I think I will use anger as my main tool for breaking past that barrier when my time comes. I will listen to angry music and just let all the frustration and rage wash over me... think of everything I have endured and gone through in my time on this planet. I will get really pumped up, like I am going into battle or something. No sadness or pity, just controlled rage. But I won't aim it towards anyone else in society, just towards myself. But we're all different, so that may not work for you.

 

[dggtscccvfd]

In my case it was spike of anger due to external circumstances that overrided SI.

How did you attempt?