UnnervedCompany
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This is gonna be a damn sad thread to read, and I'm gonna need my popcorn and ice cream to prepare for another whiplash of emotions from this
(Go little fighters, go
)Because of the what if.
We can't know if anything gets better. If your life will turn around. Things change. But what if it does? What if there is pure joy & happiness? What if you eventually have the life of your dreams?
disjuj
Member
- Jan 25, 2025
- 13
I understand this. I want to believe that a way out of my situation is possible and the damage is reversible. That is the biggest 'what if' keeping me from definitely ctb.
The only problem is after a year and a half since the problem got horrible and many months of research I am 90% sure it is impossible. But there is still that 10%…
platypus77
Experienced
- Dec 11, 2024
- 277
Figuring out ways to remove the things that increase your suffering by realizing you don't really need them.To me suicide isn't great. It's not something I'd be proud or happy about.
With near infinite possibilities, there are most probably better alternatives. They're sparse and hard to find, but there ought to be quite a few of them.
So the real question becomes whether to be content with the current best alternative, or if one should search for a while more.
I wouldn't call myself hopeful, but it goes without saying, that I've not been able to justify complete surrender just yet.
Sutter
Experienced
- Oct 21, 2024
- 246
Nope.
Upfront not hopeful. Even when I was, nope.
I lived because it was in me, can't define the exact pebble but was a core there that burned. Shared that with another for a time I was enough for both of us but not forever.
Can live for another for a time but seems to me it's something inside, your own fire. I look to know the darkness inside me dancing around my own smoldering ashes. Paths can be laid out, faint trails and wisps of thoughts but for me I'm the only one that can stoke those ashes, no other.
Can visit another where they are at, offer a bit of company, can share your own reason if you have one. They must find their own though and in what time I've lived haven't seen it another way.
So may be unnerving company at your fire but still nice to have that at times.
isthisit?
The name's Cedrik
- Jun 23, 2023
- 207
because life is looking up. friends are great and I am in a loving relationship.
The only reason Im still here is because sometimes times get tough and then my mental state nose dives fastMy reasons aren't exactly hopeful. I suppose in trying not to kill myself now, I'm staying true to who I hope I am. I truly don't want to hurt my Dad like that. While I wouldn't have to live with the aftermath, I don't like even imagining his reaction.
I suppose the closest to hope I get is hoping I can ensure that life at least doesn't get much worse! I tell myself, I've made it this far- 45 years. 35 of them with ideation. I've survived through worse periods than this too. I'm a bit of a fraud being in this section though to be fair. My intention in truth is still to CTB eventually. Only, not just yet. So, in my mind- I'm on the last leg of the marathon and I just need to keep going for now.
