Venting I don’t hate myself, but thinking other people might hate me has MADE me hate myself.

[otomedissection]

It is actually wild how much better I would feel and how much I would genuinely like myself if it wasn't for other people. I think I'm decently cute and I'm proud of the things I've accomplished. I try to take care of myself and I think I'm a kind person. I'd be my friend if I wasn't already me. But JUST…and honestly JUST because people don't choose me, or seem to care about me, or think I'm beneath them, I absolutely hate myself with a burning passion. It's like how I feel doesn't even matter. If other people don't like me, then I shouldn't either. Maybe I'm delusional for being content with myself and everyone else has the right idea. Like, if enough people view me in the same way, I'm going to believe it wholeheartedly. It makes me so devastated that loving and caring about myself isn't enough. And I feel ashamed that I think someone falling in love with me would fix everything, because it would prove that I'm not utterly disgusting and there's at least some part of me that another person would tolerate.

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

why not hate them instead?

 

[otomedissection]

why not hate them instead?

I guess my brain is just wired to not see myself as a person. My opinions of others and of myself don't matter because I'm just a defect, but everyone else's thoughts are valid. It's totally irrational and I know it is, but I always seem to feel that way.

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

I guess my brain is just wired to not see myself as a person. My opinions of others and of myself don't matter because I'm just a defect, but everyone else's thoughts are valid. It's totally irrational and I know it is, but I always seem to feel that way.

im so sorry you feel this way and i hope you will be free of this

 

[LastNite]

why not hate them instead?

I dont think that changes much. It just adds more fuel onto the fire. Ignoring those people would be better for your own mental health. Worrying about how 8 billion people think of you all the time would only bring you down more. You cant please everyone but you can continue being your true self and that matters more.

 

[aoseno perpetuo]

I dont think that changes much. It just adds more fuel onto the fire. Ignoring those people would be better for your own mental health. Worrying about how 8 billion people think of you all the time would only bring you down more. You cant please everyone but you can continue being your true self and that matters more.

absolutely, its just mentally safer to hate them than yourself. because self-hatred only leads to an even more terrible life. ignoring them is ideal, but some people just cant manage it.

 

[TylerDurdenGrace]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I can relate to it, because I think my mind also naturally leans toward the bad, even when I know there are good things as well. Maybe it would help to often remind yourself that the fact that some people dislike you isn't indicative that there is anything wrong with you; it's just the nature of being human. There will always be mean or callous people, and living focusing on what those people in particular think is bound to make you unhappy.

 

[smirks00ts]

you describe a lot of my feelings perfectly. my slef worth is kind of dependent on others. ifs not great.

hope you are well ♡

 

[deadanddecomposing]

I understand that feeling very well. I think I would love myself were it not for the knowledge others perceive me. Knowing there is enough wrong with me that there are people who don't like me is enough proof to my brain that I am fundamentally broken.