Venting Partner is getting suspicious of me, and my suicidal ideation.

[KatyushaHanging]

My boyfriend, whom I love very very much, has started to wonder if I've been considering CTB (which I have, heavily). In the past I've spoken to him about it, we've had long talks about it, and he does help with alot of the shit I deal with. However I'm scared that the stress of me is going to cause him to leave me, and that would tip me over the edge. He knows I struggle with depression, suicidal ideation and other shit, but I feel as though he can't handle it. And I'm so scared. I'm so fucking scared..

 

[Amakishiyo]

I think there is no good way of handling such difficult things within a relationship. You and your partner obviously love each other, you would not want to lose him and neither does he want to lose you. You will be hurt if he is going to leave you but he will be hurt just as much or more if you CTB.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think that after all you cannot rely on other people, as humans the reality is that we are all alone. It does sound like a difficult situation that you are in, but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[AngryDog]

I understand the feeling of not wanting to hurt a loved one with something as horrible as a desire to be dead. You know your relationship the best, and it's difficult to give advice knowing so little, but from what you've written, it doesn't sound like a bad idea to tell him about it. Your boyfriend already knows at least some of your struggles with suicidal ideation, so it wouldn't be a big shock for him. It helps to put feelings into words and to get feedback from another perspective.

It's good that you care about his well being. You don't have to suffer alone. I wish you the best of luck.

 

[looking_for_peace]

I understand where you come from. I had someone who I really loved but I made the decision to ghost because I knew I was going to ctb and I would rather them hate me than miss me. correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you would rather stay alive for your partner. if that is the case, you should try your best to do that. stay away from this website, or at least, go onto the recovery section & find help. otherwise, you really cannot blame him for leaving. you must understand how insanely painful it is for those we leave behind. best of luck

 

[KatyushaHanging]

I understand where you come from. I had someone who I really loved but I made the decision to ghost because I knew I was going to ctb and I would rather them hate me than miss me. correct me if I'm wrong, but it sounds like you would rather stay alive for your partner. if that is the case, you should try your best to do that. stay away from this website, or at least, go onto the recovery section & find help. otherwise, you really cannot blame him for leaving. you must understand how insanely painful it is for those we leave behind. best of luck

Thank you <3

 

[SilentSadness]

That's really a shame, you seem like a nice person so it's unfortunate that you have to bear all this suffering. Sadly it is dangerous to depend on others and sometimes you have to face the reality which is that we are all alone. I hope that your situation and life improve.