Venting Parents found my SN package: has it happened with anyone else?

[whybother2002]

I ordered SN and selected the option "call my number before delivering". It didn't work, as they didn't call me and I wasn't the one to receive the package. My parents got it, opened it and did a quick google search to find out it must be some sort of chemical poison.

Then I got an angry lecture with lots of shouting on how I must be strong, how I'm so lucky to be alive and how I'd never enjoy eternal life because the all loving god won't forgive me and would send me straight to hell (I don't even consider myself a good person, but it pains me to think someone like Nick Drake is boiling in hell because he couldn't stand the pain anymore...) Thanks I'm much better now and all of a sudden full of hope. I understand how difficult it must be to parents, but I'm also impressed by how wrong they get things. I just want to be at ease. :(

P.S. I know most people here have a worse relationship with their parents and had a life full of abuse, I'm not trying to equate the situations in anyway.

 

[Hystearical]

What did they do with it?

 

[whybother2002]

What did they do with it?

Cut it open and threw it all away in front of me

 

[Hystearical]

Cut it open and threw it all away in front of me

So they are aware of suicidal feelings on your part and don't seem like the ones to gently and encouragingly try to her you out as to what is making you feel that way in the first place. That's really difficult and frustrating to deal with. What do you think they will do from here on with that knowledge?

And you're not the first person whose family or other people found out unintentionally about ordering this.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Seems like your parents don't empathize with you at all. It seems like they're actively trying to make you feel worse. I don't know you so I won't pretend to understand, but depressed people always try hard, and I'm sure you do too. Your alternatives may be a PO box or a friend's house. Hope you find peace.

 

[whybother2002]

What do you think they will do from here on with that knowledge?

Probably double down on suicide watch and not let me by myself not even for 15 minutes (they said that basically). Thank you (and the others here) for the kind words

 

[Hystearical]

Probably double down on suicide watch and not let me by myself not even for 15 minutes (they said that basically). Thank you (and the others here) for the kind words

Well you're fortunate they did not do anything more coercive like call EMS on you but you want to be careful to avoid triggering that now that they're onto you so to speak.

If you want to talk about what led you to order SN you can with me.

 

[whybother2002]

Are you over or under 18? If over, then I really think its non of their business but if you are under 18 they kind do have to take it away. I'm sorry they cant empathize with you better. Do you think you will try to get more and hide it better next time?

I'm 23. If things continue as desperate I need to get it. I'm so scared the opportunity will take much longer than I expected and I'll have to live a horrible life.

 

[Owlers]

I know it feels hard to understand or really comprehend, but it's coming from a place of love. It's absolutely the wrong approach, but I think it happens a lot in older generations. They don't think to look into how to properly support someone who's suicidal, and out of fear of losing you, they lash out. They try to control and force the situation because they're scared of losing you, something that would be completely out of their control and absolutely devastating.

It's not fair. It's not right. But I don't think they're doing it because they hate you and want you to feel awful or suffer. They do love you. They're scared of losing you and don't know how to navigate it properly.

I hope your parents do some research on how to properly support and navigate this situation. I remember the first time I had a suicidal friend, way back in middle school, needing to google how I should respond and move forward. But thats what we've been taught to do in school, yk? Our parents didn't have that, so they just go with their instinct and assume it's right.

 

[madameviolette]

Omg same thing happened to me yesterday kind of. I bought a rope and my mother opened the package. She kept asking why the f I bought boat anchors. Then she got so angry and also got a lecture.

 

[Macedonian1987]

Omg same thing happened to me yesterday kind of. I bought a rope and my mother opened the package. She kept asking why the f I bought boat anchors. Then she got so angry and also got a lecture.

If you were my child and I saw you how much you suffered on a daily basis, it would break my heart yes, but I would have allowed you to "leave" and choose your own exit. From my point of view, it is very selfish to prolong someone's suffering just for your own comfort.

I ordered SN and selected the option "call my number before delivering". It didn't work, as they didn't call me and I wasn't the one to receive the package. My parents got it, opened it and did a quick google search to find out it must be some sort of chemical poison.

Then I got an angry lecture with lots of shouting on how I must be strong, how I'm so lucky to be alive and how I'd never enjoy eternal life because the all loving god won't forgive me and would send me straight to hell (I don't even consider myself a good person, but it pains me to think someone like Nick Drake is boiling in hell because he couldn't stand the pain anymore...) Thanks I'm much better now and all of a sudden full of hope. I understand how difficult it must be to parents, but I'm also impressed by how wrong they get things. I just want to be at ease. :(

P.S. I know most people here have a worse relationship with their parents and had a life full of abuse, I'm not trying to equate the situations in anyway.

When people lecture me about how suicides go to hell I always reply to them: hell is this planet, this world we currently live in. It's not some imaginary place under the ground.

 

[3FailedAttemptss]

I've been in the exact same position several times T-T I've ordered SN— I can't even remember how many times >w< And my parents, my sister, or someone that always manages to get their hands on it :( I've only ever touched my sodium nitrate package twice. But it's always been confiscated.

And it's just like if they knew what they were doing to me. You're just forcing me out into suicide methods that I don't prefer. Sodium nitrite is like the best way to fucking go qwq Why would you take that away from me?

Anyway, I just wanted to share some frustration and say that I've been in your position, and it's really, really, really not a fun place to be.

 

[unluckysadness]

It's so sad

 

[Dot]

If you were my child and I saw you how much you suffered on a daily basis, it would break my heart yes, but I would have allowed you to "leave" and choose your own exit. From my point of view, it is very selfish to prolong someone's suffering just for your own comfort.

D/ u hve childrn

 

[Macedonian1987]

D/ u hve childrn

I don't have children, but if I ever did, and my kid suffered from an illness that made his life worse and worse with each passing year. I would allow him/her to "let go" and end his/hers suffering in the time and manner of his/hers choosing. I will leave that decision entirely up to him/her.

 

[danivodka5]

Yeah, my mom didnt told me anything except when I claimed if she throwed up some jar, she asked why? She asked for more information but we both knew what was inside, she wanted to call the cops and I told her suicide isnt a crime, was rough.

 

[idiotmother]

I had mine taken away by a sibling who watches me on this site. It's horrible having your freedom encroached upon in such ways , but I also understand the other side of it. It's a terrible feeling, sorry you have to experience it too. People think they are saving our lives, but they are just postponing the inevitable. The desperation and desire to be free of this body doesn't just go away.
Also, you may try ordering it and having it shipped to a fedex or ups location that you could then go pick it up in person. Assuming you can drive/transport yourself that is. Sorry for double commenting.

 

[die2live]

Can relate to alot of posts I had SN too and it feels like I've lost my only hope for a relatively painless exit, the frustration over this is too much.

 

[iamanavalanche]

ive also had this happen to me. they got the sn at the door before i could get it and opened it. they searched up what SN was and dumped it all out. weirdly, despite always shouting at me, they didnt give a single shit that i was trying to die. but later on i was just called stupid for doing so.