Venting パニック発作

[bumoshi]

I'm literally so tired, I didn't go to my classes for a week now, (I'm not a minor, I didn't finished high school so I'm doing a thing now), my mom said if she see me cutting myself again she's gonna send me to my dads house or she will cut herself too, thing I will hate, bc I hate him and I don't want my mom to suffer, I can't stop cutting myself, is so hard and is the only thing I have to relive the pain, what's so wrong with it? I'm not doing anything bad to anyone. I just want to cut until my arm is irreconcilable, destroyed, I don't know what to do, I don't have a future and I hopefully CTB before the year ends.
the only thing keeping me from suicide is the anxiety I have thinking of "what is gonna happen when I die?" is gonna be a black space for all the eternity? I'm gonna reincarnate? I'm gonna be a ghost? what is gonna happen? I'm gonna be able to see how my family and friends react seeing my dead body laying in the floor?
I'm scared of dead, yes, but I can't wait to die, I want to die, my life is complete shit, I'm sorry if I post too much I wanted a safe place and I think this is much better than twitter lol.
when I die, I don't want a funeral, I just want to be buried and everyone forgetting about me, that's it, is not to much to ask right? Im not gonna do a suicide letter, I don't know why should I do one, I just gonna say some things in a paper to make sure someone give my things to the person I want to keep them, is to much to ask?

「人は他人に興味がない。それに気づいてる人が自死を選ぶ。絶望して選ぶのではなくて、人間の本質をわかったが故に選ぶのだ」

 

[Tonight634]

I feel you so much...Can't wait to die

 

[Ulisses]

I understand your feelings. I also want to die and be forgotten, and I'm also afraid of the postmortem. hugs take care.