I'm not sure how much longer I can last.
I'm down to my last bit of money.
I've run all my credit cards up.
I'm going numb. I've gon from crying at every little thing to I can't cry at all.
I just zone out.
I wanted to try to give myself till June.
But I see that may not be the case.
I wish sometimes I could take what I see and feel through out the day and put it on a screen for others to see.
I want so desperately to be understood and I'm not sure why but the feeling is there.
I'm invisible and ignored buy yet I no longer wanna be seen.
I wanna shrink and dissappear.
I'm trying to be patient and do this right.
Even if I have no clue what I'm doing I wanna put in the best effort I can while I do have some resources.
My scale and test strips should be here by Friday. Gonna do my best to follow the instructions.
Gonna try my best to get the other things needed for the best outcome which is death.
I'm stuck between I have nothing to lose because I'm already going to lose it and everything to gain if I succeed.
I wish I had someone here to walk me through it and I can do the rest on my own.
When I get doubtful and everything I remind myself I'm the girl who took every pill she could find.
I'm the girl who drank atleast a cup of antifreeze.
This will be easy. I just gotta not think of failing.
I'm so tired of living like this.
I wanna just say fuck testing it and swallow but I know I need to follow through for the most assurance.
That's what I'm gonna do.
I'm down to my last bit of money.
I've run all my credit cards up.
I'm going numb. I've gon from crying at every little thing to I can't cry at all.
I just zone out.
I wanted to try to give myself till June.
But I see that may not be the case.
I wish sometimes I could take what I see and feel through out the day and put it on a screen for others to see.
I want so desperately to be understood and I'm not sure why but the feeling is there.
I'm invisible and ignored buy yet I no longer wanna be seen.
I wanna shrink and dissappear.
I'm trying to be patient and do this right.
Even if I have no clue what I'm doing I wanna put in the best effort I can while I do have some resources.
My scale and test strips should be here by Friday. Gonna do my best to follow the instructions.
Gonna try my best to get the other things needed for the best outcome which is death.
I'm stuck between I have nothing to lose because I'm already going to lose it and everything to gain if I succeed.
I wish I had someone here to walk me through it and I can do the rest on my own.
When I get doubtful and everything I remind myself I'm the girl who took every pill she could find.
I'm the girl who drank atleast a cup of antifreeze.
This will be easy. I just gotta not think of failing.
I'm so tired of living like this.
I wanna just say fuck testing it and swallow but I know I need to follow through for the most assurance.
That's what I'm gonna do.
