Exitwings
I have no wings and I must fly (it/its)
- Dec 25, 2023
- 54
Okay first of all if you take only one thing from this post: if any drugs give you hallucinations and/or paranoia, even a little, maybe Don't use them to CTB.
Just a small personal update. Attempted another CTB and missed the bus by a lot lol.
Took like 150 tizanidine tablets, realized I wasn't gonna CTB because I hadn't taken enough stuff, called for help because I figured short coma time. Wrong. Got to the hospital and had a full on paranoid/psychotic? trip. Honestly thought I was being human trafficked through the hospital and tried to run away. Lasted a few hours, then fell asleep (presumably, but maybe they sedated me idk) then had a bunch of nightmares, then woke up mostly normal. (And strapped to a bed.)
All and all went way better than it could have been. Convinced everyone I'd just taken a handful of tizanidine with alcohol because of my chronic pain with the intention of sleeping hard and maybe having a day or so of pain-free time. As I've mentioned I'm not "actually" suicidal, so I easily passed the many many questions of that. I did get stuck in the psych ward for a few days but that was 90% bureaucracy and red tape, they'd cleared me very quickly.
Definitely gonna work on getting fentanyl for next time. This is ridiculous.
Plus at least the benadryl had given me a painfree MONTH, so I'm gonna try like small doses of that tbh? And replace my tizanidine with it because whoo boy.
But yeah same as last time I need to rest for a month or five before I try again. Gonna push my care manager for help even more. I need some actual goddamn pain relief and physical help around the house.
At least the socialization in the psych ward was nice. Like everyone there was kind and friendly and my best friend even came down to see me (because no one told him I was okay despite having added him to my emergency contacts for this exact reason but whatever I got to see him which was nice. Yes I feel guilty that I'm planning on leaving him here but listen I'm in so much pain)
Just a small personal update. Attempted another CTB and missed the bus by a lot lol.
Took like 150 tizanidine tablets, realized I wasn't gonna CTB because I hadn't taken enough stuff, called for help because I figured short coma time. Wrong. Got to the hospital and had a full on paranoid/psychotic? trip. Honestly thought I was being human trafficked through the hospital and tried to run away. Lasted a few hours, then fell asleep (presumably, but maybe they sedated me idk) then had a bunch of nightmares, then woke up mostly normal. (And strapped to a bed.)
All and all went way better than it could have been. Convinced everyone I'd just taken a handful of tizanidine with alcohol because of my chronic pain with the intention of sleeping hard and maybe having a day or so of pain-free time. As I've mentioned I'm not "actually" suicidal, so I easily passed the many many questions of that. I did get stuck in the psych ward for a few days but that was 90% bureaucracy and red tape, they'd cleared me very quickly.
Definitely gonna work on getting fentanyl for next time. This is ridiculous.
Plus at least the benadryl had given me a painfree MONTH, so I'm gonna try like small doses of that tbh? And replace my tizanidine with it because whoo boy.
But yeah same as last time I need to rest for a month or five before I try again. Gonna push my care manager for help even more. I need some actual goddamn pain relief and physical help around the house.
At least the socialization in the psych ward was nice. Like everyone there was kind and friendly and my best friend even came down to see me (because no one told him I was okay despite having added him to my emergency contacts for this exact reason but whatever I got to see him which was nice. Yes I feel guilty that I'm planning on leaving him here but listen I'm in so much pain)
