Venting Ordered the rope.

[PlutonianRooster]

It would have been SN, if not for the unreliable shipping times and the cost (I feel strong guilt around spending money; I could never bring myself to complete the order).

I don't feel relieved. Just sad, tired, and alone. I still don't know if I'll take the leap, I guess - I already feel sort of stupid for ordering it - but the time in between my episodes of hopelessness only gets shorter and shorter.

Part of me still thinks something will happen - that some miracle will crash-land into my life once I take a certain step, that something will force the story to go on. But I'll futilely finish up coursework, microwave a bowl of oatmeal for dinner for the something-th time in a row, and go to sleep like any other night.

I feel like the human equivalent of using AI to infinitely stretch a song past its end.

 

[MathConspiracy]

Whatever happens, we're here for you <3 I'm about to order my rope too, I just need to find something else to buy as well so I can get a free delivery. I wanted to get SN but someone here said that the card payment doesn't work unfortunately.

 

[PlutonianRooster]

Whatever happens, we're here for you <3 I'm about to order my rope too, I just need to find something else to buy as well so I can get a free delivery. I wanted to get SN but someone here said that the card payment doesn't work unfortunately.

Thank you. I wish you peace on whatever path you take as well.