Discussion Opting Out of Society

[2messdup]

No. They were supposed to phone me yesterday but… nothing. I phoned them this morning and asked them to phone me back but it's noon now and still no calls. Fuck's sake… and they wonder why I've given up on getting help…

That is the absolute worst when they don't phone you. Even if they're still looking, they could phone you and say so.

 

[WiltingBogStar]

General news: I tried to do my laundry today but it ended with me cutting myself during two separate, but related, episodes.

I tried to find the back door key in the pantry but ended up finding the front door key first and lacked the will to continue searching for the back door key. This meant I was going out of the front door and vaulting over the rusty gate into the back garden. The problem is that I wasn't properly sun-protected (in the case of heliopboia - fear of the sun - this basically means not wearing a burqa) and ended up being in direct sunlight for longer than anticipated (5 minutes vs ~30 seconds normally) so my hands and face started BURNING despite this being 8am in the northern UK of all places.

I gave up on using the washing line outside. As soon as I was back indoors, I cut myself to relieve the tension, got myself back to work hanging the laundry up - inside, this time - and then cut myself a second time just so I didn't do anything drastic. When I was putting myself to bed for a nap, I came down with really bad flu symptoms which I'm going to chalk up to being in direct sunlight for too long (by heliophobic standards) and the resulting stress response taking its toll on my body.

Lesson learnt: doing laundry outdoors is no longer an option at this stage.

That is the absolute worst when they don't phone you. Even if they're still looking, they could phone you and say so.

I suspect they've, unsurprisingly, found nothing and are avoiding phoning me because they know it'll just be CTB fuel for me. I know this because I've been doing my own research (Google, Facebook, word of mouth) for the past 3 years; every support organisation I've tried either didn't work out for me or was ruined by an abusive staff member to the point where I've exhausted all of my options locally.

I wasn't even asking specifically for anger management and they said they'd look at other services too. The crisis worker (different to the one mentioned above) on the other end of the phone during the hanging attempt on Sunday also kept insisting that "there is help out there" but kept dodging the question when I asked her to name a local help service that I hadn't tried yet. This all just confirms my suspicions that it really is either self-isolation or CTB for me.