Story One fact is keeping me from recovery

[The Burning Fool]

Disclaimer: My use of religious language is not intended to proselytize or judge anyone, this is basically my latest schizo rant. I know I'm called an atheist and a rebel, but there seem to be many persons in my head who disagree. These ones just want to be listened to now. Writing on this website helps me cope with existence. Thank you for understanding.

With that said, the fact that keeps me from recovery is that individual selves are by definition in conflict with each other, and even with themselves.

I can't find a true will to exist as myself or anyone else, when I know that means that in some sense I must trample on the rights of other beings. I don't want to harm anyone. I don't want to be part of an evil scheme, a delusion, a distraction. Nobody will ever truly deserve a place and time to exist. No one can live without sin.

Life fundamentally means some form of war. How could anyone convince me that any of this can ever be worth it in itself? By the grace of our Lord, may I be granted immunity to the charms of the devil. Even best case scenarios of life are utterly unjust, demonically evil. Nobody can hide from, or escape the fact that everyone is born in original sin, and thereby is bound to perish.

I only have faith and hope that my limited, internal, incommunicable knowledge of this universal truth will lead to acceptance of the eternal rest in absolute safety. May all my sins be forgiven, together with all. The forgiveness of our Lord is greater than that which I could ever possibly do. May I always remember the absolute surrender and submission of my being to our true Lord. I seek refuge from the lowly thug, the self-proclaimed lord of this illusory universe, in the eternal truth, all-encompassing, self-sufficient, infinite power, highest glory which can never be seen or even imagined.

My heart years for eternal peace. I know that all has been intimately heard.

 

[snowcloud9]

Human beings do not fundamentally want conflict. This has been evidenced by countless psychological studies. Biologically it makes sense to not be anger driven all the time. Think about all the times when someone's been an insufferable absolute idiot, but you've held your tongue and didn't criticize their behavior.

I don't think humans have to be perfect in order to be more good than bad. I don't think humans are good and bad, everyone is just trying to get through life (we can see that in SS). That itself is already incredibly difficult without wanting to make someone else feel miserable.

You don't have to trample on others. You can make their lives better, at least within your small circle of people.

I personally see all human existences as insignificant and don't put too much weight on them. Everyone is replaceable. If I don't do something, one of a billion others eventually will. I'm not too concerned with others or how I affect them, to me we are in our own parallel worlds and they are just things to tolerate until I reach the end or the next life. I just try to smile and be friendly with them since I don't want to disrupt their experiences.

 

[The Burning Fool]

I personally see all human existences as insignificant and don't put too much weight on them. Everyone is replaceable. If I don't do something, one of a billion others eventually will.

Thank you, I like what you wrote here. This is also what I meant by our Lord's forgiveness being greater than that which I could ever possibly do. Everyone is an I.

What is a person but a restless sinner in blinding fog, unbreakable chains and scalding fire...

Freedom will come, and so I believe.

 

[snowcloud9]

Thank you, I like what you wrote here. This is also what I meant by our Lord's forgiveness being greater than that which I could ever possibly do. Everyone is an I.

What is a person but a restless sinner in blinding fog, unbreakable chains and scalding fire...

Freedom will come, and so I believe.

I think it's important to say that I don't see insignificance as a reason to feel despair. This world was created for us, or we have shaped it for us, either way it is like a small sanctuary in the face of the rest of the universe. We should do what we as individuals want in the place that is our collective home.

Whether I see God or nothing after I die, I'll still be freed from my worldly burdens. I will be free no matter what. But how much of that freedom will be replaced by something better or worse? I do not know.