Once you convince your mind that suicide is an option there's no going back to normal life

[MissingThyme]

It's like an undertow, always there, always inviting me to sink into it and just be done with everything. Soothing in a way, because if I'm upset or would get emotional and I know no one is going to help me I can just think of getting to the end and being happy. But it also washes away my motivation for the future, like sand being pulled out from under my toes by the tide.

 

[callme]

The wheels on the BUS go round and round, round and round, round and round
The doors open and close, open and close, ooen and close
All through life
All through life

 

[HelloAllYouPeople]

This thread popped up on a very funny time for me. Today our CEO blew up in a big meeting about underperformance. My friend was scared as hell for his job security. I'm sure a lot of people in the meeting were too.
Meanwhile I'm just rolling my eyes, oops okay guess I might get fired next year.
I'm done with feeling trapped between bills and grinding away my life. If I lose my job then I'm killing myself once the savings runs out. It's just that easy. Struggling with this system is stupid

 

[callme]

Thinking of suicide is like Eden's sweet forbidden fruit.

Why? The one in Eden is a fruit of knowledge. What does suicide make one acknowledge, other than bend their mind to find it as their only way out? Do you mean a ultimate solution to all problems? I can understand if so, but the apple the talking snake warned against just created more problems. Or at least so the story in everybody's favorite theatrical prop says.

 

[SamTam33]

I liken it to being an addict. Once an addict or alcoholic, you're always one.

You'll always be infatuated/tempted/possessed by the thoughts. Regardless of how long you've been clean or sober.

It's why I don't buy into the drive-by post from supposedly recovered people.

What recovering alcoholic would go to an AA meeting and be like "You don't have to drink. It's not worth it. Thanks for listening."

How would that be effective?

Anyway, this thing... these thoughts... have been a part of me for as long as I can remember and will always be. It's how I was made. It's how I will die.

 

[Reallysad]

100% true.once your brain thinks of it there's no going back.I wish everyone on here peace as we are all suffering in different ways

 

[Idontmatter]

Even for a slight inconvenience mind will start thinking of suicide, once thought of suicide has entered your mind I feel it's impossible to completely let it go and fully live. You can ignore it for a while but it's always going to come back.

This is so true

 

[sunsetting]

Oh yeah feels like "at least I can kill myself to escape this bullshit excuse of a life if things get too dumb"

 

[stilhavinightmares]

It feels impossible to engage in everyday life knowing you're going to die soon. Struggling with getting through the holidays.

 

[Thequietone]

Even for a slight inconvenience mind will start thinking of suicide, once thought of suicide has entered your mind I feel it's impossible to completely let it go and fully live. You can ignore it for a while but it's always going to come back.

Totally right and that is why society doesn't get it. Like you can start healing and feel better but as soon something bad happens you think about suicide again and your mind starts spiraling again and again. People who never really thought about it, can never understand.

 

[quietam pacem12]

Selbst für eine kleine Unannehmlichkeit wird der Geist anfangen, an Selbstmord zu denken, sobald der Gedanke an Selbstmord in Ihren Geist eingetreten ist, fühle ich, dass es unmöglich ist, ihn vollständig loszulassen und vollständig zu leben. Man kann es eine Weile ignorieren, aber es kommt immer wieder.

Das geht mir definitiv auch so. Selbst bei dem kleinsten Ding, Selbstmordgedanken begleiten mich auf Schritt und Tritt.

 

[crowbait]

Yep. I also feel this specifically regarding very effective suicide techniques learned from this forum; I can delete my account, get back into therapy, miraculously feel mostly stable- but everytime I hit a rough patch I'll remember where to buy SN, or how to make a noose real effective. It was different when I was younger and just thought a noose was a noose, and wanted to blow my brains out but had no actual access to guns, and every overdose I was capable of would just leave me chugging charcoal in the hospital. Here I know real serious effective ways I can actually die.

 

[Sparx]

This is so true. I've tried to get rid of the suicidal thoughts, gave up a 20 year cannabis habit, started an antidepressant, now seeing mental health professionals. But they just won't go away.

 

[stilhavinightmares]

This is why even during brief moments when I feel better I know I need to kill myself.