Help On the edge

[thoughtitwouldbedif]

With my wife wanting to separate I'm just beside myself. She's saying that she's not sure if she wants to end things but she needs time to be by herself. I'm trying to think positive but it's just too hard. Life always comes and fucks me. Why do people say to not think about the worst case scenario when that's exactly what always happens. We were talking about having kids 3 days ago. I'm just a wreck. I don't want to live a life without her but I also don't want to die. What if we get back together? If I ctb then there's no chance of that. But I need the pain to stop now, I can't even imagine how horrible it would be if it actually comes to a full divorce. I don't think I can do it.

Anyone else being pulled in the two directions of wanting to survive but also wanting the pain to stop?

 

[Redacted24]

Me.
I am.
After nearly a decade of emotional abuse by my warden, I'm now trying to get a separation.
In 2023 I almost impulsively kms.
I decided then to end my life as it is - get the divorce from my abuser, change jobs and move to a different place.
If I couldn't unlearn all of the things I've been told about myself and be okay with myself, then I can end my life in the physical sense.

But I want to try first to see if being out of the toxic dumpster fire will help my sense of worth.
Maybe I'm not actually unwanted, irrelevant, unneeded, embarrassing...
Or maybe I am.

Time will tell. First step, get away from the ones that bathe me in toxic.
maybe the pain will stop then.

 

[thoughtitwouldbedif]

It's ironic that a separation is ruining my life while one could be good for yours