On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your depression? (10 being the worst)

[MeltingHeart]

Spinal tap for life, its cranked to 11.

With BPD, i can fluctuate hourly. but my background depression never goes below a 7. This exact second i am an 8. But i woke up to a boy in my bed and that is always amazing.

I was gonna say 11 & instantly thought of spinal tap- one of the greatest comedy films thats ever been made.

 

[Reyki6667]

Disabled to the point of not being able to endure daylight due to the extreme tiredness, same for sounds or unable to use brain when sitted or standing.

Cannot stay sitted without it being a torture for more than 10 min.

Body and brain energy deprived.

Constant migraine with pain in my body sometimes being totally unbearable while having the constant feeling my heart is gripped/harassed.

6 years of treatment being a joke with ending way worse than when I began,so I stopped meds recently...

Well that would be a 10 by using your scale out of 10......

Once some details are settled, I will just kill myself.

 

[Lethe]

It's hard to give my current state a rating. I am making preparations to off myself because I am stripped of my entire future. Yet, I feel at peace and I don't dread death. In fact, I am looking forward to it. I still have the energy to do stuff, just like before. I feel comfortable with the fact that I get to choose when I will be exiting the mortal realm. So.... I guess you could say that I am not depressed. It's odd for a suicidal person to say such things, but that's how I feel.

This sums up my feelings perfectly. I don't feel depressed per se, just despair

 

[Nem]

11

 

[Berndje]

10

 

[popwhat]

i don't know really. people say that the feelings of suicidal thoughts come from it but i don't even know if that applies for me. there are days i laugh and be happy but still feel that part inside of me knowing that the time will come and i will be gone. and sometimes i think about if i ever miss those happy days that i lived but the answer is always no.

 

[blue]

I make a lot of effort to fight my depression-- it used to be off the charts-- now it manifests as more of a dysthymia.

It is a bit worse right now because of the weather, darkness, and life circumstance-- I'll rate it at a 5

 

[Sweet emotion]

7. But that's not even my biggest problem. My biggest problem is suffering from a painful physical nerve ailment called complex regional pain syndrome. It's the highest ranking pain condition in medical history. So it depends upon how much pain I'm in. It could be a 6 and then go to a 10. It all depends on the crps.

 

[CaptainT]

Spinal tap for life, its cranked to 11.

With BPD, i can fluctuate hourly. but my background depression never goes below a 7. This exact second i am an 8. But i woke up to a boy in my bed and that is always amazing.

Respect for the Spinal Tap reference ;)

When I think there's no way out, no stopping the situation, no escape route, it's a 10 for me. But when I start organising things for CTB like making plans for another CO attempt and booking somewhere to take the SN, the sense of relief and "it can end soon" makes me almost giddy with happiness for a while.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I understand that feeling. Knowing about SN now, when i have been obsessed with hanging for so long (even with a few failed attempts under my belt already) has been a huge relief. i even feel like going out with friends knowing the end is near.

 

[czarodziej]

3

 

[vulturecyclop]

Fluctuates between 7 and 9. And I'm on meds.

 

[Numbtopain97]

10

 

[toomuchgrief]

I go from 0 depression to 100 from the death of my son. I'm depress to the point I want to plunge to my death or put a shotgun to my head.

 

[BridgeJumper]

Probably 2 or 3 now, which is suprising considering the butchered physical state Im currently in. But there weretimes it was a solid 10 and I couldnt even move, and 7 - 8 was a daily rating

 

[Lonely789]

10+ but my kids bring it down to 6.

 

[lostchild]

10 as well

Every single waking moment of every day, I'm thinking about how much I want to die and wish I was dead. Its constant.

I pretty much have no interests at all anymore. Some things can entertain me or make me laugh but nothing ever makes me feel at all ok or happy

I cry myself to sleep almost like every night, very epic. What makes that worse for me though was that before the big thing that made me lose all my will to live happened, I had trouble with crying and couldnt cry no matter how hard I wanted to. Even during stuff that gave me ptsd. So crying for me means it's just really really bad wow.

Stopped brushing my teeth for months cuz it seems useless since I wont be needing them where I'm going...

I would never shower, but my mom makes me since she wants me to be clean. But since I refuse to she has to wash me...

I regret every breath i take! It's all such a waste of time and soooo much pain! This world feels like a nightmare I can never wake up from, for me

 

[Supersadmommy90]

Right now I'm at a steady 4, although earlier today I was worse off. I've been feeling better lately, that is up from a 6 or 7 overall. I know I don't fit into this thread with my relatively mild depression but my mind still wanders to ctb. What's hardest about feeling better is knowing that it won't last. The pains that are withheld for me as they say.

 

[charlie_z]

It can vary, but generally speaking:
6.0 mornings
9.0 evenings

 

[Rising Phoenix]

Today it's probably a 5 moderate

 

[BPDbitch]

Dysthymia. Mostly just feel empty.

 

[truthseeker]

This year has seen my typical 5-6 become a constant 8-9.

 

[mediocre]

It's been at a 10 for 15 years.
Struggle to get out of bed every day..

 

[LittleJem]

It's usually an 8 or a 10. Don't know why, but this week it's a 4. No constant wanting to die thoughts. I still don't have any interest or joy in living band want it over. Just the wanting to die thoughts are not here. Don't know why. I've been taking painkillers a few days this week. And tried Heroin for the first and possibly last time - it wasn't that good. And in Morocco. Don't know why the thoughts have stopped.

 

[kolski]

I don't think 10 really cuts it but yup. I don't remember the last time I didn't feel like a complete bag of shit.

 

[dissolvedgirl]

It's been 10 for the past 5 years. The only reason I haven't CTBed is because I'm too much of a pussy to get on the dark web

 

[Ender]

10. It's has gotten to point where I can't speak, only whisper. And I can barely do that. I'm just waiting, like a human on death row.

 

[Adamsnolife]

8 this morning

 

[L0b5t3r]

Maybe 8, I've felt worse

 

[Nicebuddimtim]

Probably an 8 it's been a rough year started off trying to help myself by getting away from things and people but come march the world was against me and years I'd spent trying to work on my anxiety and depression went down the toilet and I hit rock bottom, quit my job because of anxiety attacks and depression but now there are no jobs my old job won't take me back and mental health services are doing nothing to aid my recovery. Tbf my anxiety has gone down and my emotional instability has waned as my comfort with death increases. I think if I make it until spring I'll postpone until winter again but I don't know if I can be bothered any more worlds gone to shit and it isn't set up for people like me... Probably best to just get it over and done with...