Ok but WHEN does it get better?

[woofwag]

A question no one seems to be able to answer for me. I have the concept of things changing, obviously things are constantly changing and I feel different day by day. But my general satisfaction with my life has stayed the same. In fact as the years go by, things have only gotten worse for me. I only get more miserable, fuck up more, make my life worse, uncover (and experience) more horrible traumas. So it's been 23 years. I'm tired of waiting. When is this magical "it gets better" fairy supposed to come for me? Because as I see it, I'm doing everything I can to make shit better for me, and still I decline.

Like do people really expect me to live another 20, 30 years with the mere hope that it gets better? Do they really expect me to live ONE year? I mean clearly they do, but I feel like if they were in my position, they'd shut up real quick about holding out.

If it does get better, ok. Give me a timeline. Tell me when I can say enough is enough. Tell me when I can finally let go. Because I'm not willing to wait much longer.

If it really and truly does get better like they say, these should be easy questions. But they're not, because it's not about getting better. It's about forcing us to stay even when we're completely miserable and dejected. Forcing us to be a cog in their machine. There is no "getting better" for a person like me.

 

[rigsid]

I'm very pro consent. I don't think you should have to live in suffering even if it's garunteed to get better if you don't want to, and for most of us there is no garuntee.

Ultimately nobody consented to being born so we should at least be allowed to leave.

I really relate to what you've said here. I wish there was more solidarity.

 

[nitrogenous]

I feel you. People around me kept on telling me that life can get better and will get better. They've been saying this exact same thing for months, even years. But then what? Has it actually become any better? No. Every single time I have slight hope about the future, guess what happened… I always crashed down way further than before. The more I live, the more I see myself as a failure, not just subjectively, but objectively. From being the dux of my university to becoming a drop out last year, from having a prestigious corporate job without having to be interviewed as I did so well on my internship to getting fired, not only once, but twice (by another company). This itself is an evidence of how life doesn't get better. It's only a matter of time for me till things get worse again, in fact, it already is horrible.

I get that there's this concept of borrowed hope, but what's the point if it's all just false hope? How is that meant to be helpful rather than making everything worse as you feel like you've been fooled?

 

[SoLowHollow48]

I don't have much hope, I just do not like it when people just disappear because I've been on the receiving end and I've seen people who are willing to help yet they just swat their hands away like it's nothing. I've seen what could be done but never considered because their head was buried so far deep into their asses they couldn't see that.

There's more to life than just your pain and suffering but yes, let's call it quits because "what else is there?"

Nobody can pull you out of your depression and your hardhships but yourself yet, we just settle with "Well, you can't think straight when you're depressed". But you can still feel hunger, can't you? Curiosity? You can see, can't you? People are there for you. Maybe the trouble here is to just accept that people are genuinely willing to help and listen. Maybe the trouble with all of us on this site is that we let the abuse and torture win us over and tell us that all there is to things, is an end. Fuck all, fuck the process--straight to the ending.

There's no hunger for meaning anymore. Relationships with people are just 3D chess to reach the end. There's no lesson to be drawn from anything or anyone anymore. It's all just wasteland.

Fuck. I'm sorry for venting. I should be sedated.

It will never get better is my answer. But that all boils down to how you handle that sad truth. Are you going to let it be that way or cope and live because there's so much to it than just death, illnesses, injustice, and constant suffering in this capitalistic hellhole?

To live and find out that there's more to just having a partner and sharing the weights together, more to just having many friends and having someone to crack a cold one with, more to just visits to the doctor to renew your prescriptions and pondering life at the waiting room...

To live and find that you can just dance and be called crazy in a bus instead of just sitting down for the entire ride? Smoke and decide that it's a sham because apparently, you're not genetically designed to feel the buzz of nicotine? Drink cute cocktails and realize that they're just overpriced, overmixed garbo?

It's all I ever wanted people who have left me, do. Give it a chance and many things start unraveling.

 

[stopMotionSickness]

If you'd indulge me for a second, I think there's a pretty good analogy to math here.

In modeling ecosystems, there's this classic problem of modeling the populations of rabbits and of foxes. Rabbits multiply proportionally to how many of them there are. Then foxes multiply proportionally to how many rabbits there are to eat. But many foxes will eat many rabbits, and shrink their numbers; and conversely, too little rabbits means the foxes will starve and shrink in number.

All said and done, you can do the math and get solutions that predict how this ecosystem behaves. And naturally, it does take time to change. But the key is that nothing depended on time just by itself. In other words, foxes will only ever depend on how many rabbits there are for them, not how many years have gone past.

I think in a similar way, our well-being doesn't really work on a "how long" basis. It depends on how changes in our life accumulate. Changes won't happen overnight, and nor will results. But if we are unhappy with our lives and make no effort, then no change will pan out over time either. If we are unhappy, but are so for the effort to improve things (like studying extra hard or braving the discomfort of joining social events), then it will take time, but only then will things get better.

That being said, you're fully welcome to disagree. I do understand the frustration, and the biggest problem here comes from understanding what efforts actually do make for improvements. Plus, I certainly don't rep this idea nearly as well as I could, and the whole "you have to put effort into seeing improvements" kind of talk can feel pretty demoralizing for me (which if that's the case for you I do apologize). I'm mostly just using the thread as a sounding board for my thoughts, if that's ok.

 

[woofwag]

I'm very pro consent. I don't think you should have to live in suffering even if it's garunteed to get better if you don't want to, and for most of us there is no garuntee.

Ultimately nobody consented to being born so we should at least be allowed to leave.

I really relate to what you've said here. I wish there was more solidarity.

Exactly. I feel like if people would stop baiting me with "everything gets better!!!11!1!" and showed me HOW and WHEN then maybe I would actually listen. And accepting that if it doesn't, I'm not sticking around to be miserable anymore. End of the day I feel like it's just luck, and I'm tired of gambling and losing every day of my life.

I feel you. People around me kept on telling me that life can get better and will get better. They've been saying this exact same thing for months, even years. But then what? Has it actually become any better? No. Every single time I have slight hope about the future, guess what happened… I always crashed down way further than before. The more I live, the more I see myself as a failure, not just subjectively, but objectively. From being the dux of my university to becoming a drop out last year, from having a prestigious corporate job without having to be interviewed as I did so well on my internship to getting fired, not only once, but twice (by another company). This itself is an evidence of how life doesn't get better. It's only a matter of time for me till things get worse again, in fact, it already is horrible.

I get that there's this concept of borrowed hope, but what's the point if it's all just false hope? How is that meant to be helpful rather than making everything worse as you feel like you've been fooled?

I'm really sorry you've been through all that. I don't blame you for being suicidal; it makes sense all things considered. Although honestly, being a failure or not a failure, idk it doesn't change much. I think technically I am considered to be somewhat successful, considering I made it through college and have a job now I guess. But naw, it all just makes me feel worse. Well actually, funny thing is I didn't even graduate because I fucked up how many credits I needed so now I'll probably never get my degree anyway lol. If people wanna have any hope for me, then maybe they should hope my death is peaceful and painless (and I'll make sure it will be).

If you'd indulge me for a second, I think there's a pretty good analogy to math here.

In modeling ecosystems, there's this classic problem of modeling the populations of rabbits and of foxes. Rabbits multiply proportionally to how many of them there are. Then foxes multiply proportionally to how many rabbits there are to eat. But many foxes will eat many rabbits, and shrink their numbers; and conversely, too little rabbits means the foxes will starve and shrink in number.

All said and done, you can do the math and get solutions that predict how this ecosystem behaves. And naturally, it does take time to change. But the key is that nothing depended on time just by itself. In other words, foxes will only ever depend on how many rabbits there are for them, not how many years have gone past.

I think in a similar way, our well-being doesn't really work on a "how long" basis. It depends on how changes in our life accumulate. Changes won't happen overnight, and nor will results. But if we are unhappy with our lives and make no effort, then no change will pan out over time either. If we are unhappy, but are so for the effort to improve things (like studying extra hard or braving the discomfort of joining social events), then it will take time, but only then will things get better.

That being said, you're fully welcome to disagree. I do understand the frustration, and the biggest problem here comes from understanding what efforts actually do make for improvements. Plus, I certainly don't rep this idea nearly as well as I could, and the whole "you have to put effort into seeing improvements" kind of talk can feel pretty demoralizing for me (which if that's the case for you I do apologize). I'm mostly just using the thread as a sounding board for my thoughts, if that's ok.

I get where you're coming from, and I do think it's a good analogy. But, let me expand on it a little: if I am to be considered one of these foxes, and have tried very hard for very long to not starve, but there are simply not enough rabbits to hunt, then I will die. There are not enough opportunities in my life that I could feasibly take that would change a whole lot. I know because I already have tried. And tried. And tried again. That's why I ask "when?" I think people expect that I'll have opportunities to change, or that I even want to when everything continues to point south.

The problem with me is that even if there are all these great things that could happen to me, it doesn't change how I feel. So when I ask "how much longer?" I think really what I'm asking is "when will anything feel worth it?" I've had so much therapy, so many meds, education, friends, love, and now a job, and none of it has made me feel any better or more assured that it will be "ok." Whatever that's supposed to mean. I've tried all the things you're supposed to do; I tried to eat healthy and workout and I developed an eating disorder and became physically disabled, I tried moving away and changing my environment and it made me remember all the worst things that happened to me, tried therapy and they all left me because I wasn't responding to their treatment, then tried IOP and it helped for maybe two months and was more expensive than helpful, tried to make friends and love people and only hurt them and avoid them because I get so overwhelmed by socializing, went to college but apparently it can't cure stupid because I fucked up my credits and now need to take more classes but I can't if I want to be able to work a job, and now I have one, and I only feel more overwhelmed than anything.

So, yes, I ask "when" because if I'm supposed to be taking all these opportunities to change, then where the fuck are the opportunities? And more importantly, why does none of it make me feel any better? Even super rich successful people kill themselves. Idk. I think some of us are just plagued by our own brains. Regardless, I do appreciate your words and your kindness. But don't waste them on me. I'm sure there's some kid out there who does have some hope who could use it a whole lot more than I could.

 

[stopMotionSickness]

I get where you're coming from, and I do think it's a good analogy. But, let me expand on it a little: if I am to be considered one of these foxes, and have tried very hard for very long to not starve, but there are simply not enough rabbits to hunt, then I will die. There are not enough opportunities in my life that I could feasibly take that would change a whole lot. I know because I already have tried. And tried. And tried again. That's why I ask "when?" I think people expect that I'll have opportunities to change, or that I even want to when everything continues to point south.

The problem with me is that even if there are all these great things that could happen to me, it doesn't change how I feel. So when I ask "how much longer?" I think really what I'm asking is "when will anything feel worth it?" I've had so much therapy, so many meds, education, friends, love, and now a job, and none of it has made me feel any better or more assured that it will be "ok." Whatever that's supposed to mean. I've tried all the things you're supposed to do; I tried to eat healthy and workout and I developed an eating disorder and became physically disabled, I tried moving away and changing my environment and it made me remember all the worst things that happened to me, tried therapy and they all left me because I wasn't responding to their treatment, then tried IOP and it helped for maybe two months and was more expensive than helpful, tried to make friends and love people and only hurt them and avoid them because I get so overwhelmed by socializing, went to college but apparently it can't cure stupid because I fucked up my credits and now need to take more classes but I can't if I want to be able to work a job, and now I have one, and I only feel more overwhelmed than anything.

So, yes, I ask "when" because if I'm supposed to be taking all these opportunities to change, then where the fuck are the opportunities? And more importantly, why does none of it make me feel any better? Even super rich successful people kill themselves. Idk. I think some of us are just plagued by our own brains. Regardless, I do appreciate your words and your kindness. But don't waste them on me. I'm sure there's some kid out there who does have some hope who could use it a whole lot more than I could.

Ah yeah, that'd do it. My bad, I think I projected my own ineptitude a lil bit there; been trying to motivate myself to actually get more positive efforts done, because I definitely feel the line "why does none of it make me feel any better?". Now that I think about it, I do kinda permanently feel like I'm not trying hard enough even if on paper I can name a bunch social things I go to, exercise I put in, academic successes I achieve from hard work, and friends I keep; and compare all that to the fact that none of it has rly made it feel worth it in a broader scale. Whether that's cuz I'm just rly tired now or maybe it's cuz i've got that deep-seated tiredness of everything going on. idk. Thanks for the consideration and response, though, and mb for assuming things.

 

[rigsid]

. I feel like if people would stop baiting me with "everything gets better!!!11!1!" and showed me HOW and WHEN then maybe I would actually listen. And accepting that if it doesn't, I'm not sticking around to be miserable anymore. End of the day I feel like it's just luck, and I'm tired of gambling and losing every day of my life.

I've always felt better when people have offered me comfort, understanding, and compassion-- rather than guilt tripping, disgust, and confusion.

On it being luck that's kind of true. There's a saying that time heals all wounds. What a stupid saying.

What about wounds that get infected or kill you? Not everything heals with time. A lot of issues, physical or mental, can just get a lot worse with time.

That doesn't mean they can't get better either, and if someone wants to keep fighting to try and find that that's understandable. Normal even, if they have something to live for. But with dating and friendships being commercialized by dating apps and social media that's less and less the case in recent years.

But otherwise? It's just cruel to tell someone they HAVE to live because it MIGHT get better.

At least in my case I pursued every form of treatment I could but I ended up with zero things that worked and zero actual pathways to get better.

So if I did get better it would just be some kind of miracle. Some people can wait for miracles. I won't.

 

[primadonna_]

A question no one seems to be able to answer for me. I have the concept of things changing, obviously things are constantly changing and I feel different day by day. But my general satisfaction with my life has stayed the same. In fact as the years go by, things have only gotten worse for me. I only get more miserable, fuck up more, make my life worse, uncover (and experience) more horrible traumas. So it's been 23 years. I'm tired of waiting. When is this magical "it gets better" fairy supposed to come for me? Because as I see it, I'm doing everything I can to make shit better for me, and still I decline.

Like do people really expect me to live another 20, 30 years with the mere hope that it gets better? Do they really expect me to live ONE year? I mean clearly they do, but I feel like if they were in my position, they'd shut up real quick about holding out.

If it does get better, ok. Give me a timeline. Tell me when I can say enough is enough. Tell me when I can finally let go. Because I'm not willing to wait much longer.

If it really and truly does get better like they say, these should be easy questions. But they're not, because it's not about getting better. It's about forcing us to stay even when we're completely miserable and dejected. Forcing us to be a cog in their machine. There is no "getting better" for a person like me.

i guess it's just the suspense of waiting to get better that keeps people alive. They hope it gets better, and the hope that that will one day happens keeps some people going. Even if it never happens.