Venting Lying to yourself that things are ok or will get better

[Ilostmytoast]

You know it's weird cause I'm aware I don't have much of anybody to talk too or I'm very very scared to talk to them like my family
I barely get any sleep, I have no friends, I'm not productive, I'm not rlly anything sometimes I think I'm really just nothing but waste

I guess those moments of fun even if they're so little help me get away from those thoughts but anyways I have these thoughts and I acknowledge them and I acknowledge my situation and all that but I still make believe things are ok and that they'll get better but even with that mindset nothing changes I don't actually get better and I suffer moments like these which are temporary but still annoying to endure and recently thoughts of suicide have recently increased a lot and though I promised to not do it again even practicing it but I still rlly rlly rlly want too ugh I just can't do this anymore honestly

 

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We're prisoners of our own mind, seems silly but I wonder if it's a hope is.