Officially homeless. Tonight is the night

[squiddedoutt]

I can't properly convey things in a way that doesn't sound completely childish first world problems imo.

I get this feeling too thinking about all the people who have it worse than me. hell, i imagine you out alone in a dark forest, nowhere to go, icy rain dripping through the trees, maybe thinking about past pain...
Studying for 7 years just to end up in the market now as a software engineer is also uniquely terrible

I wasn't there, but it seems like you've spent a long time pushing through or drifting along in a rough life.

I hope you get what you want, whether it be the desire to take another shot at things or as peaceful of an end as you can find <3

 

[Exhausted546]

Got to sneak to my father's place and take a winter coat and winter gloves, otherwise I can't last outside. This is problematic

Edit: snuck in when I was sure he'd be asleep. I'm warming myself up before going out again. I didn't drink any alcohol yet cause I'm not sure this is doable with how cold it is. I feel like sleeping

I get this feeling too thinking about all the people who have it worse than me. hell, i imagine you out alone in a dark forest, nowhere to go, icy rain dripping through the trees, maybe thinking about past pain...
Studying for 7 years just to end up in the market now as a software engineer is also uniquely terrible

I wasn't there, but it seems like you've spent a long time pushing through or drifting along in a rough life.

I hope you get what you want, whether it be the desire to take another shot at things or as peaceful of an end as you can find <3

Thank you I truly appreciate. Yes I'm honestly exhausted, I have nothing to show for the past decade of struggle except mediocrity ,humiliation and mockery. Regardless of how childish my struggle may seem to someone that worked 3 jobs while being a full time student and raising 4 kids at the same time as a single parent, the only thing I can say is that they're tougher than me I'm not made for a gritty grind especially when I'm at the edge and been running without fuel for what seems like forever already

Edit: I got warm enough to head to my room and get my winter coat. It's locked, its the first time I have even seen that door locked,I don't even know how to lock it or unlock it. Someone opened the window too as I can feel the breeze,it wasn't me.

How the hell am I supposed to head out in the cold rain without a proper coat and an umbrella.

 

[Exhausted546]

Got to sneak to my father's place and take a winter coat and winter gloves, otherwise I can't last outside. This is problematic

Edit: snuck in when I was sure he'd be asleep. I'm warming myself up before going out again. I didn't drink any alcohol yet cause I'm not sure this is doable with how cold it is. I feel like sleeping

Thank you I truly appreciate. Yes I'm honestly exhausted, I have nothing to show for the past decade of struggle except mediocrity ,humiliation and mockery. Regardless of how childish my struggle may seem to someone that worked 3 jobs while being a full time student and raising 4 kids at the same time as a single parent, the only thing I can say is that they're tougher than me I'm not made for a gritty grind especially when I'm at the edge and been running without fuel for what seems like forever already

Edit: I got warm enough to head to my room and get my winter coat. It's locked, its the first time I have even seen that door locked,I don't even know how to lock it or unlock it. Someone opened the window too as I can feel the breeze,it wasn't me.

How the hell am I supposed to head out in the cold rain without a proper coat and an umbrella.

So I postponed to tonight. Currently drunk. Went to the woods, had my rain boots on in case they were flooded from the melting snow. They were beyond flooded. The swamp water was almost knee deep,tough to walk in, had to walk about 8ish minutes to get to my chosen tree. The light in the picture is from the swamp reflecting the sky

Anyway I was really ready to cry tonight as there's no turn back for me,my back is against the wall already.

I won't be able to use these woods for a couple weeks I guess? I need to find some new idea. I could ctb RN at a child's playground but that's morbid honestly. This sucks.

As dumb as it sounds, my uni exams are getting close too,I'll have to start studying for them if I can't ctb before Thursday otherwise i'll be making my life alot worse