Story Off my chest: Learning some things the hard way

[slamjoetry]

So six months ago, my ex cut me off after a two year long relationship. During that time, we argued and fought constantly, it was awful. We both constantly tried expressing our communication needs to each other but never understood. It's important to note that both of us had emotionally abusive parents (this is also a major factor in my depression and suicidal thoughts). My father has made good progress on improving himself since my childhood. He's definitely not perfect, but the difference in the way he talks to me in the past few years is vast.

My mom on the other hand... Lately, I've been getting into the same huge arguments with her. I've been doing my absolute best to remain level-headed during these arguments, and by doing this I've managed to notice something extremely important. The way she argues with me is extremely manipulative. She gaslights, moves goalposts, and gets really nasty. And it all felt so familiar. Not just because it's the way she's always argued with me, but also because it's the way I argued with my ex. It's the way I've always argued with everyone. It's why I've lost all of my prior friendships and ended up completely alone. I realized that I picked up all of her toxic traits and used them to abuse people important to me in the same way. I've never felt so awful. But it's also given me motivation to improve myself and change my ways. I want to make efforts to manage my emotions better, become a better listener, be more constructive rather than destructive, and see my loved ones as people I disagree with rather than as my enemies. I'm also planning on further distancing myself from my mother. I think this will help with my mental state and personal growth, and hopefully it gets my mom to think more before she speaks, and maybe I could actually have a relationship with her in the future like I do now with my dad.

I'll never be able to heal the pain I caused my ex and other people I was close to in the past, but I can make damn sure it doesn't happen again. I will break the cycle of abuse, and I won't be defined by my parents' mistakes anymore. I will rise above.

 

[Cress]

Sounds like you have a immense ability of Introspection of yourself. I hope you're able to continue healing and Are able to become the person that you want to be. It sounds like you've been able to identify and improve certain things about yourself and will continue to do so.

I've been in toxic relationships in the past and one of the most common traits of it is isolation. I had a girlfriend that was deeply insecure because she was cheated on many times Ironically she ended up cheating on me two separate times I guess that's what they call projection. Either way she insisted that I not have any female friends and she didn't trust me to hang out with male friends. I ended up extremely isolated and when the relationship was over I had no one.

It's a type of self-destructive behavior that benefits no one you just end up relying on a single person way too much and not even was happy with the situation that she herself caused. You end up needy and Clingy because you have no other friendships or avenues of Social Development.

With that said it's really important to maintain friendships that are platonic outside of romantic relationships as they help keep you emotionally and mentally stable and well grounded. Your social skills will also only improve the more you talk to other people there is an endless amount of benefits