Numbness

[Meteora]

The worst of all states seems numbness to me. I can still function and write or talk but I m dead inside. This state comes and goes, it appears when I m alone for some time but also when I m among people (who are insensitive). I feel alienated and don't know how to come back to normal.
Don't know why I m writing this but I just cannot control it and that makes me feel powerless.

 

[Enigma the orange]

The worst of all states seems numbness to me. I can still function and write or talk but I m dead inside. This state comes and goes, it appears when I m alone for some time but also when I m among people (who are insensitive). I feel alienated and don't know how to come back to normal.
Don't know why I m writing this but I just cannot control it and that makes me feel powerless.

It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, and the feelings of numbness and alienation you're experiencing are deeply challenging. It's important to acknowledge the strength it takes to express these feelings, even when it might seem like you're just putting words into the void. Writing and reaching out, as you're doing now, is a brave step towards understanding and coping with these feelings.

Numbness, especially the kind you describe that fluctuates between being alone and being with others, can be a sign of overwhelming stress, depression, or emotional exhaustion. It's a way for your mind to protect itself from pain, but it also creates a sense of disconnection from your surroundings and even from your own self.

 

[Meteora]

It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, and the feelings of numbness and alienation you're experiencing are deeply challenging. It's important to acknowledge the strength it takes to express these feelings, even when it might seem like you're just putting words into the void. Writing and reaching out, as you're doing now, is a brave step towards understanding and coping with these feelings.

Numbness, especially the kind you describe that fluctuates between being alone and being with others, can be a sign of overwhelming stress, depression, or emotional exhaustion. It's a way for your mind to protect itself from pain, but it also creates a sense of disconnection from your surroundings and even from your own self.

It is very, very tough, yes. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and yet I get zero understanding from therapists. It s just a very cruel and sarcastic joke, to be honest.

It is so hard to acknowledge my own strength when I m in the middle of the struggle, you know. And when others seem to see my strength and try to bring me down before I can even think.

Yeah it is because I m deeply overwhelmed but you know it took me two decades to reach this point where I feel and can express these things. The level of dissociation has always been ridiculously high with me and is decreasing since a few years but I get zero support and that makes me wanna quit, of course.


Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Enigma the orange]

It is very, very tough, yes. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy and yet I get zero understanding from therapists. It s just a very cruel and sarcastic joke, to be honest.

It is so hard to acknowledge my own strength when I m in the middle of the struggle, you know. And when others seem to see my strength and try to bring me down before I can even think.

Yeah it is because I m deeply overwhelmed but you know it took me two decades to reach this point where I feel and can express these things. The level of dissociation has always been ridiculously high and is decreasing since a few years but I get zero support and that makes me wanna quit, of course.


Thank you for your kind words.

Have you thought of taking SSRIs ? I take sertraline (Zoloft) and it's been of massive help.

 

[Meteora]

Have you thought of taking SSRIs ? I take sertraline (Zoloft) and it's been of massive help.

I take Venlafaxine (Effexor), it is a SNRI and two other meds. SSRI's make me very nervous and driven. But I know they work best against post traumatic stress, especially sertraline.

 

[Meteora]

For me it is a chronic condition. If I don't deserve to die then I don't know cause this is insanity, complete insanity. Ok, I could get stoned from medications so I don't feel anything at all anymore. But that cannot be the solution. The worst is the prejudice. There's so much hatred from other people. Seems like 90% of human beings just wait for a possibility to judge, belittle, put down others. How miserable.

 

[Meteora]

The numbness increases the lonlier I become. Soon I ll be so numb that I wouldn't even ctb anymore. It is really scary. I don't understand how I m supposed to live like that, I mean, these doctors cannot be serious and really expect me to bear this. I m so done, so fragile, so broken.

 

[Unattainable666]

The worst of all states seems numbness to me. I can still function and write or talk but I m dead inside. This state comes and goes, it appears when I m alone for some time but also when I m among people (who are insensitive). I feel alienated and don't know how to come back to normal.
Don't know why I m writing this but I just cannot control it and that makes me feel powerless.

I wo h ld much rather be numb than crying uncontrollably or wanting to see someone suffer in horrible pain.

 

[Judah]

I wo h ld much rather be numb than crying uncontrollably or wanting to see someone suffer in horrible pain.

Both feelings consume you inside, I would rather just not feel anything.

 

[Meteora]

Numbness is the increase of uncontrollably crying or any other extreme feelings.

 

[Meteora]

Numbness is so unbearable you want to self harm, abuse substances... you just want it to go away. And yet you have no chance. I want to hit my head against the wall so I at least feel something. but all that would happen is that I start to cry and then hate myself for crying. and the cycle would start all over.
I wrote it already 20 years ago in my diary. I m trapped inside this body and the only escape is death.

It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time, and the feelings of numbness and alienation you're experiencing are deeply challenging. It's important to acknowledge the strength it takes to express these feelings, even when it might seem like you're just putting words into the void. Writing and reaching out, as you're doing now, is a brave step towards understanding and coping with these feelings.

I just read your answer again and its astonishing to me how precisely you seem to understand..... why is that?