I'm so fucking numb right now. Painfully numb. I want to scream because it hurts to exist, but at the same time I just want to sit there and stare blankly at the wall. I have Hurt by Johnny Cash on a loop. I haven't self harmed by cutting in over a year, but today I need blood. I need to know my heart is still beating. And I need to make it stop doing just that. I can't do it. Fuck.
I can't sit still but I'm too tired to move. I want to sob but I'm too numb to cry. This isn't a life worth living. I wish people in my life could understand. I wish society could have compassion for severe treatment resistant mental illness. This isn't living. This isn't even surviving. What have I become? I'm so tired. I'm so so tired. I just need to die. I need my body to give out.
I can't sit still but I'm too tired to move. I want to sob but I'm too numb to cry. This isn't a life worth living. I wish people in my life could understand. I wish society could have compassion for severe treatment resistant mental illness. This isn't living. This isn't even surviving. What have I become? I'm so tired. I'm so so tired. I just need to die. I need my body to give out.
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