nothing is real and i’m gonna ctb tonight

[Decayed]

i struggle with what my psych calls a mix of derealisation and dissociation over the past few days nothing has been real it's like i'm trapped in a shitty video game or movie i talked to my therapist today and nothing changed so i've decided to run away and ctb im probably going to try jump in front of a train or find someone willing to give me pills for an overdose in exchange for something sexual (which is fine cause it's not like it's the first time i've been used like that) im mainly just scared and want some peace, i want to lay down on some train tracks and leave the rest to fate, if i live who cares i can always try again anyways just wanted to let someone know so someone will think of me when the time comes

 

[Rymrgand]

It's really difficult to overdose with random pills. At least if you don't know what you are going to use, which I assume you don't. So don't do that.

About the train, it's way more reliable, but you would need to find a place where you are able to throw yourself into a train that it's currently moving at high speed. Maybe it will kill you quickly, but could also be really painful. You also could fail completely if someone stops you or if your survival instict is activated and therefore you are not able to throw yourself into the tracks. The worst case scenario is that the train will hit you and you will survive. I assume it's pretty uncommon (maybe if the train gets to stop enough?) but in that case you could lose mobility and in any case you would be locked in a hospital for some time. Even if everything works smoothly for you, you would be traumatizing some people.

If you can wait, I would recommend to prepare a good plan, at least to think how and where you are going to jump in front of a train to improve your chances. Impulsive attempts can make everything worse.

If not, or if you consider you have a decent plan already, I wish you good luck.