Feeling it more now. Despite the meds I feel I am drifting away into suicidal thoughts. Just ordered some amitriptyline to see if it will help me overdose. I should have been tougher, for fucks sake. I should have followed my instincts, I never seem to, anxiety and insecurity always seems to fuck me up and I completely fall apart, I've lost so much by being fucking useless when things really mattered, now I am on my deathbed.
