Venting Not sure if suicide is the correct choice for me

[hahafunny123]

Male, turned 18 recently, 12th grade
I've been having suicidal thoughts daily since the start of 2025.
I've made three serious attempts since then which were caused by some insignificant events such as breakups.
I don't have the will to live, but I don't have the will to die either.

There's nothing bad enough in my life rn that would warrant me killing myself. However, I can't say that I enjoy living. I have no goals or hobbies in life and I can't muster the motivation to improve my life.

I know I have the capabilities to achieve greatness in life, but my work ethic is nonexistent and I don't think it'll make me happy. I don't know what I really want in life. Even things that I've been looking forward to for years like becoming a national merit finalist hasn't affected me in any way.
It's this combination of poor work ethic and apathy that's ruining my life.
I can't really muster the motivation to improve my life in any way, and I can't even be motivated to do things I enjoy. However, I can't kill myself yet because I have too much hope for the future.

Life's just "too hard" for me and I think I'm too lazy to keep going on. But I don't really think that's a genuine reason for ending my life. I keep hoping a tragedy happens and I get a reason to kms. Or, even better, something amazing happens and I get the will to live. The second one isn't happening because it actually requires effort.

 

[Afterglow]

I've been having suicidal thoughts daily since the start of 2025.

There's nothing bad enough in my life rn that would warrant me killing myself.

Please avoid catching the bus. It sounds like you've got a lot going on for sure but you shouldn't make a permanent change just because of a temporary problem.

You seem like a kind young man, i would heavily recommend a psychiatrist and a therapist before death. You seem to have hope for the future, and you have the ability to have a bright one. Please keep on living <3

 

[deadbidaylight]

I hate to be the one to say this, as everyone's situation is wildly different. But you are soooo young. There is so much that you haven't gotten to experience yet. There is a lot of joy in life if you allow yourself to be open to it. You will need to find your passion, your muse. You just haven't found it yet. But there is still soooo much time for you to find it.

Have you tried any sort of intervention? Medication? Therapy? Counselling? You definitely sound like you're going through a depression, but that can be helped. There are tons of options at your fingertips. It seems like such an effort now, in the throes of it all, but it gets better if you get some help. And then things will be clearer and not so difficult to achieve.

The age you're at is hard. There are so many changes and uncertainties and undue pressure put on kids your age. And the reality is, you're still a kid but are expected to have the responsibilities and decision making of a grown adult. It's no wonder so many folks your age are lost. I really wish people would be more forgiving and give y'all some time to really figure out what you want out of life. It's impossible to know your path at 18 years old, when most can't see past tomorrow, or even a week from now.

Please don't make any rash decisions until you can make a calculated decision. And if you haven't sought help yet, I encourage you to do so.

 

[LostLily]

If you are not sure if it is the right option for you, that means it is not the right option for you. CTB is only a last resort after exhausting all options like medications and therapy.

 

[maniac116]

Its not your time if you're not 110% sure!
I personally think you should go for the greatness you mentioned. You're so young & just because you have thought of ctb doesn't mean you need to carry that out. Go experience life!
There will be ups & downs but you'll give yourself a chance at a life you cherish.
We are all going to die. I'm very pro choice but I would do a little "living" before choosing to die.
Just my 2 cents worth...

 

[locked*n*loaded]

If you're not sure, then it's NOT. When/if it ever is, you'll know.