Not feeling afraid to die anymore

[brokensea]

I've always been really afraid to die and had SI take over before. I plan to use SN and I've finally realized in 30 minutes an hour it will all be over. What worse 30 minutes, hour, days and years that I've felt that could be worse than that time I would feel after taking SN. I'm sure I've felt worse physical pain and emotional pain before. I really don't know what I've been so afraid of all this time.

I don't know if anyone will take care of my cat. I'd like to think someday when he dies he would come find me and we could be together again. He's been here with me through so much. I know it's probably not real or possible but I like to think it is.

I feel so lonely. Loneliness is like a single heart beating. Your own that you can hear in so much silence. Where you can't feel your body anymore or any part of the world around you. Everything moves away from you like the universe moves away from everything. There's no permanence to anything in this life. Everything is chaos and all you've ever loved falls through your hands. I never wanted to exist in such a chaotic meaningless world.

 

[FuneralCry]

After all, any pain experienced during the dying process could never compare to the pain that existing causes. I don't believe that death should be feared as after all, it's all that we are destined for, and I very strongly believe death to be the end to all suffering, nobody can be harmed by not existing. But anyway, I wish you the best.

 

[sadjenny]

If nothing else friend, be glad for the life of love you gave your cat. I'm sure you care for him tremendously! And the nice thing is, animals live in the moment. To him, each moment with you is a heaven that stretches to eternity. Whatever will be, will be...