Method Not depressed enough and method optimization

[StateOfMind]

Depression
Maybe I need to stop drinking or something, so I can feel the full force of my depression and perceive my miserable circumstances in clarity and its full glory.
I don't think I'm physically addicted since I don't have the shaky hand thing when I'm completely sober, but it gives me something to look forward to.

Method
After months of research, thinking and "field trips" I believe I've boiled it down to two effective methods.
1. Stand with back to fast moving train (around 120kmh if not faster).
2. Head-but the train (velocity is less of a factor).

If these were your only choices, which one would you go for?

 

[WornOutLife]

To stop drinking sounds good. My sober days are hell but I really wanna quit this sh*t.

As for the methods, I guess I'd for for number one. Don't know too much about it!

 

[262653]

Why do you consider standing back to the train? I don't see what's especially effective about this position. Does this have something to do with not looking at the train?

 

[Antiquated]

Train used to be my preferred method as well. I would have gone with the first option, trying not to think about what's about to happen.

But if you have the guts to go head first, by all means, go with that option.

 

[StateOfMind]

Why do you consider standing back to the train? I don't see what's especially effective about this position. Does this have something to do with not looking at the train?

Headfirst seems harder for SI but feels more reliable.
Are you going with train?

 

[Scotty]

I too have tried to find a deeper depressed state, I know that it's there, I have been there before. I have stopped all of my Bipolar meds and started drinking to bring on a depressed state, but no luck. Still on and off really and really want to go today. I think that I would go for the first one.

 

[StateOfMind]

To stop drinking sounds good. My sober days are hell but I really wanna quit this sh*t.

Yeah, its not sustainable in terms of finances and health in the long run.
I've been drinking since a teen and I'm suprised my liver hasn't given up yet..

Train used to be my preferred method as well. I would have gone with the first option, trying not to think about what's about to happen.

But if you have the guts to go head first, by all means, go with that option.

I underestimated SI.
I remember telling myself "when I can't hack it anymore I will just jump in front of the train".
The only good thing about this is that it gave the time establish an effective method.
Now its mostly just SI and occasional train anomalies such as delays etc

 

[bornfree]

i want you to die a good death. I am not going to question your reasons to die. I want what you want and that's a good death. i should advise you to choose a different method but i care about you dying a good death of your choosing so you will never face what i face. I can't stand in harms way.

 

[262653]

Headfirst seems harder for SI but feels more reliable.
Are you going with train?

I'm thinking of it as a backup. I'd probably consume some booze for the courage + get some earplugs to increase horn resistance.

The horn is so fucking loud. I was once standing on a small train bridge, with only about 2 meters between the railroads and the fence. I was just taking a stroll through the bridge as I felt the vibrations from the train. I got close to the fence to let the train pass. Damn, there was so much overwhelming power in that vibration, and THE SOUND. And the gust of wind so powerful it could throw off balance an unprepared person.
I figured I haven't reached the levels of desperation needed to go for train method but knowing what a bitch the life can be it's surely in the realm of possibility

 

[StateOfMind]

I'm thinking of it as a backup. I'd probably consume some booze for the courage + get some earplugs to increase horn resistance.

The horn is so fucking loud. I was once standing on a small train bridge, with only about 2 meters between the railroads and the fence. I was just taking a stroll through the bridge as I felt the vibrations from the train. I got close to the fence to let the train pass. Damn, there was so much overwhelming power in that vibration, and THE SOUND. And the gust of wind so powerful it could throw off balance an unprepared person.
I figured I haven't reached the levels of desperation needed to go for train method but knowing what a bitch the life can be it's surely in the realm of possibility

Whats your primary method?

Yeah, the horn is a bummer.
Knowing that's the last sound I hear is not very enticing but once I'm dead it wont matter lol
Looks like I'm just going to have to power through it, it's been done many times before.

Just came back from another scouting and was only about 1m away from the speeding train.
Kinda feels good, the rush you know? All the whirly snow and that one whimsical sign that rocks back and forth while squeaking after it passes.
Mission train suicide is fun, it's one of the thew things that gets out of the basement.
It's only a matter of time now before all the right circumstances align and I will be gone from this shit-hole we claim is "civilization".

 

[262653]

@StateOfMind SN is primary since I've been fortunate enough to obtain it and I have the proper environment to go through with it. And I tried the test doses, the effects of which were very promising.

I was about 1m from the train a few times and I don't share your excitement. In those moments I just wanted the last wagon to pass me by.
The second time it passed me I was on a hill, the train on one side and the swamp on the other. And I don't swim. I had about the same two meters except now I was between the devil and the deep green sea. The wind was blowing me to the side of the swamp and I had to maintain balance not to fall to either side. That was not pretty.

 

[StateOfMind]

@Burzolog

Fair enough.
Can see why SN might be more appealing to certain people but so far I have not been able to get adequately acquainted with this method.
Also, I am more into physics than chemistry lol