so I poured another 1/5 cap full
And drank that.
- I instantly got dizzy
- felt weak in my heart
- hands tingled more than normal
- Was very lightheaded and worried I'd pass out
- and SI became strong
In all honesty,
none of these effects sound particularly distressing, especially not when knowing in advance to expect them. This is especially the case when they are compared with the symptoms and suffering you presumably experience regularly as a result of your medical conditions. From your level of distress experienced at such relatively
mild effects of SN, the one thing this test may have been useful in showing is that you are perhaps
less emotionally ready to be attempting suicide than you may think.
I panicked and was extremely distressed and you must have bypassed that I have stated, (several times) I don't want to die, i will never be ready to ctb, but I'm in a hell no one can deal with, worse than torture, physically and mentally..
what i felt from a cap full caused me to panic and fear so i am very concerned taking a larger qty and yelling for help. I'm in a care home and have a call buzzer and I'm afraid I'll push it. I needed to gauge this feeling
However, I can say with a high degree of confidence that you will reach unconsciousness and death much more quickly if you use the recommended dosage of SN, follow the fasting protocols and use the optional add-on medications.
That's I'm not disputing that your test gave you an accurate picture of what you will feel, although I do believe the symptoms may have been slightly alleviated had you followed all of the fasting protocols, and definitely alleviated had you added in the optional medications. But I am disputing the benefit of having done this test in the first place. Had you asked any experienced person in advance, they could have told you the symptoms you were likely to experience. In fact, you come across as an intelligent and experienced member and I would have assumed you would already know these symptoms yourself. What you don't seem aware of, however, is that the low dosage of SN used, and failure to follow the fasting protocols, meant that your test had very little likelihood of being fatal. As such, you just put yourself through a lengthy period of suffering without even getting the reward of death at the end of it.
Hoping for 'accidental passing' is just fanciful if you deliberately take a vastly inadequate dose of SN and fail to follow the protocol. It's really not clear to me why you didn't either not do the pointless test at all, or change the fantasy of 'accidental passing' into deliberate passing by increasing the dose to the recommended amount.
It makes no difference whether or not you wanted opinions as to whether or not you receive them. In fact as a rule I would generally think it the most important to consider giving opinions when someone specifically forbids them, because it suggests they already know that their position is untenable or controversial.
You seem like a decent person, and it genuinely pains me to hear of you going through the suffering of your test for such pointless reasons. That's why I'm being honest in my assessment of it, to hopefully at least prevent others from making the same mistakes.
But you also know with a relatively high degree of certainty what you are going to experience if you test a small amount of SN. This is of course assuming you are a relatively average person in terms of normal gastric functioning etc.
It just puzzles me that the same people who trust a doctor to provide medical treatment or a mechanic to fix their car do not have the same degree of trust in the experts who explain the mechanisms of a poison like SN.
Obviously adding in the optional medications will target the nausea and headaches. And taking the recommended dosage of SN will lead to unconsciousness and death within a relatively short timeframe.
But even without the optional medications, are you saying that a hypothetical period of 20 minutes of nausea, tiredness and migraine is much harder to bear than simply continuing to stay alive? Because if so, then perhaps you aren't as ready to be suiciding as you may think.
I'm too tired to piece out your response.
I can't follow any protocol, I can't get the meds and it doesn't matter anyway bcuz all meds have paradoxical affects and don't work how they're supposed to cuz of my gut.
i did this bcus I have nothing normal about my gut and didn't have a clue how it would affect me.. I had already contacted several key members and had been discussing
you dont know or understand my situation And I disclaimed don't do it unless you are prepared to die..and/or suffer.
I have an opportunity to be exposed to Covid by going to the hospital and even though I know that will cause a painful death .. it will be out of my control and I honestly prefer that. That's how scared I am to do this to myself.. but living another year like I am cannot happen!
imagine your worst nightmare of health, isolated, bedridden, can't eat, wasting, rapid aging, feeling like the worst hangover ever everyday, and so much more and then live it for 3 years .. but most would have ctbd by now.. I can't do it.
If I felt peaceful .. it would have helped me take a bigger dose or take more at that time to cause unconsciousness.. i had a moment of bravery and did how I could .. it didn't work out , I shared, back off.
