Venting nobody cares

[b1ackstar]

i lose everyone, a few months ago someone in our friend group did something bad to me, not bad enough to be illegal but bad enough to tramatise me. nobody believes me, even with proof, they still dont care. they all see me as a liar and a drug addict, im literally 19, im only that way because nobody is there for me ever. even my old therapists didnt seem to help, i think im too far gone. i have adhd, bipolar, and anxiety. i used to have an ED and its been coming back. the good times are amazing, but now theyre only when im drunk or high. i feel like everyone would be relieved if i died, less drama. i also feel like theyd forget within weeks. part of me only wants to do this to spite them and make them realise how badly theyve hurt me. does that make me an awful person? i doubt ill do anything, i self harm a lot but even recently ive done it less. now its just substance abuse and destroying my life one day at a time. at least if i kill myself ill have more control then if i overdose by accident, which seems pretty likely. i want to recover and get better, i want to have a family and everything, but right now it seems too hard.

 

[Larysa]

I'm sorry that no one is acknowledging what happened to you, and how hard things are.

part of me only wants to do this to spite them and make them realise how badly theyve hurt me. does that make me an awful person?

I don't think that makes you an awful person at all. First, it is only a thought. Plus almost everyone needs and craves some acknowledgment of their pain.

i want to recover and get better, i want to have a family and everything, but right now it seems too hard.

This is so important Can you access a recovery program and begin working towards this, @b1ackstar?