Venting No peace of mind

[kilowatt]

I was supposed to be dead by 30th November of this year. That was my entire life plan. I have given away most of my belongings, spent all of my savings, gave up any future plan or idea. I serve no purpose. All I do is rot in bed. I feel a constant mental declining. Everything feels like such a task. I cannot sleep properly. My medicine became less effective so I stopped taking it. I want to ask for help more than ever but I simply cannot. I can't risk missing another CTB chance. I no longer have any plan, I just want to take the first chance I get. It feels like my insides are rotting. My main goal is no longer suicide. I am under so much physical and mental pressure. I don't know what to do. Being alive after I gave up everything feels so wrong. I was not supposed to make it this far. My whole body shakes as I type this. I feel so alone in this .

 

[tvoisluga]

I was supposed to be dead by 30th November of this year. That was my entire life plan. I have given away most of my belongings, spent all of my savings, gave up any future plan or idea. I serve no purpose. All I do is rot in bed. I feel a constant mental declining. Everything feels like such a task. I cannot sleep properly. My medicine became less effective so I stopped taking it. I want to ask for help more than ever but I simply cannot. I can't risk missing another CTB chance. I no longer have any plan, I just want to take the first chance I get. It feels like my insides are rotting. My main goal is no longer suicide. I am under so much physical and mental pressure. I don't know what to do. Being alive after I gave up everything feels so wrong. I was not supposed to make it this far. My whole body shakes as I type this. I feel so alone in this .

i know how it feels to feel like everythig is wrong. currently feel like every atom of my body is a mistake, that every thought is a mistake. i feel like a foreign body that the world is rejecting so i cant fix your problems but i believe your tears, they are mine too.

 

[annointed_towers]

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so dreadful how people have to suffer so much in this existence with no straightforward way to just die in peace, it must be awful and tiring feeling so trapped in that situation. But anyway best wishes.

 

[Ah.ow]

this might be the most relatable post for me from sasu or forums or anything? maybe except the alone part, I thought others could be similar, but didn't imagine how things like this could be said. so I am appreciating it