No option I chose makes me happy longterm

[StrawberryRed]

Over the years no matter what I do I cant find a situation that makes me happy. Ive had a good amount of friends. All I get is constant anxiety of if they like the things I say and if Im actually likeable and how long theyll put up with my moodswings. I hate being around other people for long amounts of time and the stress of conversation tires me out. Ive tries being alone, weeks and months at a time. I get lonley and upset, I feel like a loser.

Ive tried spending all my time on school. I get tired and feel likw im getting nowhere. When I focus on my hobbies I feel stupid and underachieving. Im never as good at my hobbies as I would like to be.

Like this it goes on in every area of my life. Family, money, work. I can never make the right decision every option sucks ass. I want to be happy so bad, being misrable for this long is pathetic. Im desperate for a way to feel happy longterm. I dont know if im just unnatuarly negative or what. It really makes me want to die.

 

[campo d'erba]

have you tried antidepressants?
i didnt ever want to try pills or meds until i went to the hospital and tried taking then to get out sooner
but they really really really helped me
didnt make me feel happier at all or anything -- but at least minimized the urges to kill/ harm myself and negative thoughts
worth thinking about

i used to feel lonely too, it sounds like you feel lonely when you are around friends too
i think theres a difference between being alone and being lonely
but you have to spend quality time alone
if i sit there alone doing boring stuff i feel like a loser and sad
but if i go outside for a bit
or lay on my bed thinking about nothing
or lay on the floor and feel the sun
its ok

i hope you feel better