No more

[Flying Away]

The rollercoaster of emotions and anxiety continues day after day. Everytime something positive happens, it quickly seems to turn into doubt. Life is revolving around one minute of hope followed quickly by feelings of CTB. One person could stabilise me. When I spend time with them I feel alive but don't think they can be with me anymore. Only way to make them happy is to CTB. Last two days I feel I am constantly saying and doing the wrong things. I need to move but can't. I'm trapped. Everything is dark. I ruined everything. Life is to much today. Think tonight is the night. I've tried to hold on to hope but it's gone. 59 years of hell has to end.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds like you have suffered for such a long time. Living really is so painful. I hope that in whatever you decide, you find relief.