fading_star
Member
- Nov 19, 2024
- 6
After my farewell post, I, unfortunately, was unable to follow my plan to CTB.
The sole reason as to why I never followed through with it was because the entire time I was just thinking of the million things that could happen. It seems that, despite knowing how much I knew this was a good decision for me, I couldn't stop overthinking about time. I kept questioning myself if I truly had enough time to prepare.
Now the post serves as a rather embarrassing presentation of my worrisome and anxious self. It makes me realize how much my anxiety feeds into my depression, and then when I'm on the brink of freedom, it takes the one drop of courage I've ever had away from me. It feels like a never-ending cycle. I want to forgive myself, but I can't seem to.
Luckily, my "last chance", I had come to find, wasn't really my last chance. Now, I have 2 whole days to ensure that I have done all necessary preparation. It would be possible to attempt after that, but the chances of being caught would significantly increase.
Thank you all for your wonderful comments on my last post. I really appreciate all of you. I hope these last 2 days will lead me to be find the will to regain control of my life and my soul.
The sole reason as to why I never followed through with it was because the entire time I was just thinking of the million things that could happen. It seems that, despite knowing how much I knew this was a good decision for me, I couldn't stop overthinking about time. I kept questioning myself if I truly had enough time to prepare.
Now the post serves as a rather embarrassing presentation of my worrisome and anxious self. It makes me realize how much my anxiety feeds into my depression, and then when I'm on the brink of freedom, it takes the one drop of courage I've ever had away from me. It feels like a never-ending cycle. I want to forgive myself, but I can't seem to.
Luckily, my "last chance", I had come to find, wasn't really my last chance. Now, I have 2 whole days to ensure that I have done all necessary preparation. It would be possible to attempt after that, but the chances of being caught would significantly increase.
Thank you all for your wonderful comments on my last post. I really appreciate all of you. I hope these last 2 days will lead me to be find the will to regain control of my life and my soul.
