Venting Newbie

[KenDuh]

Hello I'm Ken, I just joined. Been thinking about suicide for a bit more than 5 years now, but I don't really keep count, I just know that every day for a while I've been wanting to die, but the idea of death just makes me panic, and I tremble, I totally freeze in place. I've managed to end up all alone, but even more I had this little problem, people want to help, I don't want to be helped, so when I try an talking to someone about it, I get solutions to non asked questions, even going so far to lock me in a mental health hospital (don't really like it tho), and the questions that I do ask remain unanswered, totally logic, nobody would help me kill myself knowing the consequences, soooo in short, I got no one to talk to. And finally to be honest I don't really know why I'm writing this, I barely have any enegy, so I may forget about all of this, or just see it and do nothing, idk.

 

[LastNite]

I relate I dont want to be helped. Death in itself is scary and the idea of killing myself is also scary. Stuck in a loop of boredom and wishing to not exist is hell.