New here but hopefully won't be staying long.

[catagmatic]

It's refreshing to find a place I can speak about this informally without judgement and I appreciate this place for existing. That said, I feel so tired of existing like this. Having suffered from Bipolar 1 most of my adult life I blamed most of my latent suicidal ideation on a lack of treatment and the life that came with it and that maybe if I could get past this I wouldn't feel this way anymore. So much for that; I'm more fortunate than many in that I now have a great job, a wonderful partner and an otherwise very promising future yet I feel more hopeless than I did prior. Maybe I am realizing now that this wasn't something preventable but instead just the way I'm wired.

 

[delusionalgirl]

Welcome to the forum. Speak freely you are safe here.

 

[catagmatic]

Welcome to the forum. Speak freely you are safe here.

Thank you. I suppose at this juncture I'm not sure how to go about it - I don't want to burden others by proximity to the mess I'm thinking about leaving so I'm considering going on a trip to do it. Maybe go on a little road trip and pick somewhere quiet that I won't be found for a while but the act of making a pilgrimage to do this seems so taxing and honestly I'm afraid that in the process of making this ceremonious I'll talk myself out of it. I wish I had the gaul to just get it over with quick.

 

[FuneralCry]

I just think it's true that some people aren't meant to exist here, I know that I could never wish to endure existence no matter what, existence in itself is so hopeless and dreadful. But anyway I wish you the best with your plans.