Venting never good enough

[batmanreal]

never anyone's favorite, no matter how hard i try. everyone will leave me, regardless of how well i treat them or how hard i try to keep them in my life. i only matter to people who have no one else, then i essentially get dropped the moment they find someone else. i'm just not good enough to keep around.
at my job, i work harder than most of the people here. there are some days where i'm doing the jobs of 3 different people and i almost never make mistakes. despite all that, i'm still not considered that great. i'm still negatively compared to others. the only time i receive praise is when someone very obviously feels bad for me.
i'm not good at anything. even the things that i've spent my entire life practicing, i'm still shit at all of them.
i've never been anyone's favorite anything, i've never been considered the best at anything. trying to do anything is pointless, trying to be important to anyone is pointless because i'll just never be good enough. i just feel even worse whenever i stop trying to be the best, i hate everything.
even in death, i won't mean anything to anyone. some people might be a bit bummed out for a day or so and then move on. there's nothing to be missed, i've never been good enough to make an impact.

 

[MidnightTrains]

I know how you feel almost word for word. It's really unfair isn't it? We try so hard, yet we're always doomed to be second best.
I've given up my all passions because I know there will always be someone better than me. It's a flawed way of thinking but I cannot help it.
I think, for me at least, a lot of this comes from having low self esteem. I have spent so long believing that I was worth nothing that I involuntary make it true. No matter what I do or how much praise I get, I will not allow myself to receive it. My brain thinks it's disingenuous.
In the end it really seems like there's nothing that can be done to become happy.
I hope the outcome is different for you and you find some joy and love one day.