I'm not good enough to be a person. I suck. I don't exist.

[lemohemo]

I lost my lovely events company job today.
I will never be good enough to be around people. Its either isolate or kill myself. I isolated for years and it does horrible things to you. I've tried various times including 19stictches down my wrist.
Hanging my legs over the cliff of moher.
I'm brought back to regina speckor lyrics
" a man destined to hang can never drown, a man destined to drown can never burn"
I'm not sure what in destined for but I need to come up with a plan soon.
I'll never be ther person I want to be or one that can fit in with society.
My act is falling apart and becoming transparent and people don't like what they see. I cannot allow myself to be anymore.
Goodbye space robots

 

[chillino]

Are you still here?

 

[Sadbanana]

Yeah isolation sucks. From my personal experience, I don't think there is a way to really get used to it.

 

[chillino]

Jeah bevause people shouldnt be isolated

 

[lemohemo]

I am, fresh out of the psychward.
Not doing well, was worse in there no coping mechanism and sensory over stimulation. Like 3 people at once playing loud music off their phones and shi. Making my next plan, tried hanging while I was in there off the wardrobe but couldn't deal with coughing and struggle. Man I wish we could all just go out peacefully

Are you still here?

Yeah isolation sucks. From my personal experience, I don't think there is a way to really get used to it.

I isolated from about 2016 until just before covid a friend moved in for 6mths then after covid I started to re-emerge(after a 8 month long trauma induced psychosis). I thought I'd found my somewhere over the rainbow but alas all things fall apart when you're mentally ill.is a pattern even when you try and don't self sabotage,you do the 24 psychology sessions and develope that compassionate self image, it's not enough,the hope is gone.