Never being loved or losing your love?

[September5th]

So many people in here are suicidal because of the good and old loneliness. So, just out of curiosity, never being loved or losing your love?
It's probably a very subjective question... I remember being bothered by not having someone special before, but I was so content with it... It was simply how things were. After having something it's so hard to go back to loneliness. It's very melancholic and mediocre. It's like life goes back at being gray and, unlike before, you miss the colors.
It's not really THE reason I'm suicidal, but it's a factor. If I had done nothing, I would be more of a functional person right now...

 

[akirat9]

never be loved

 

[flightless bird]

Losing your love is worse than death. It is the worst kind of hell, the kind that teaches you the actual depth of your own soul. You can't breathe, your heart ripped apart, your brain on fire, and all your memories and all your fears are played at once before your eyes every damn second of the day. You can't sleep, you can't stay awake, I really don't have the words to describe it, and I really wouldn't recommend it.

 

[Final-push123]

I don't think I ever really felt "in love", there was women I thought was cute or cool but it never pan out.

Eventually I just accepted it, it could be worse. I could be in a loveless marriage or something

 

[freedompass]

I've put it all behind me and never felt better honestly. Relationships just weren't for me. I doubt I've ever been loved even by parents…it depends how you define love I guess. I used to think I loved and was loved but I question it now.

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

Never be in love.

 

[madebrief]

never be loved

Same. Never been loved.

 

[September5th]

Losing your love is worse than death. It is the worst kind of hell, the kind that teaches you the actual depth of your own soul. You can't breathe, your heart ripped apart, your brain on fire, and all your memories and all your fears are played at once before your eyes every damn second of the day. You can't sleep, you can't stay awake, I really don't have the words to describe it, and I really wouldn't recommend it.

This is pretty much how I feel. Six months... Fuck. The worst thing was when she came back just to leave again. Love her, but whata dick move...
You try to sleep, your heart starts to race... You try to stay up, but sadness and loneliness kick you down, to the point where you can't leave the bed. You don't feel pleasure in anything. Your day consists on: remember the good old days when you had it all, compare it to how medriocre you are right now, keep imagining how the other person is over you and seeing other people, plus feeling guilty.
It's probably easier for someone with a normal brain, but I'm already depressed by natutre... And now I'm supposed to go back to loneliness? It's hell hahaha! Hooking up with other people just don't help it either... It's a pain one must know how to deal with. It's especially hard when this person was a close friend before and now your reputation is fucked up with her and your mutual friends...

HELLLL HAHAHAHAHA

 

[Cerulea]

I would rather have navigated the globe without companionship than experience having my heart broken. It's torture. I went half my life without love and then I went the other half with it. It was an error. No loss, trauma, situation, anything could be as painful as heartbreak. It's just...it's the worst. I die of a broken heart. That's how my death happens.

 

[gramenii]

Lost my favorite person. It's like I lost my way to be, my light, my compass. I'm unable to feel anything anymore.

 

[LaVieEnRose]

I've never been In love or a relationship and given the way I am that'll just never happen no matter how long I live. I wish I could have had that experience, but it is what is. I certainly don't feel like witnessing everyone pair up and form families for the rest of my life.

 

[theboy]

Losing my love

 

[KQuotientW]

My exes were selfish, abusive pricks. I would say that it's not an act of love to make someone live in fear of you so they are too scared to leave you. Telling me that no other man would want me and I'm so awful that only they (abusive partner) would want me, as though they (abusive partner) felt they were doing me a favour, which was a huge mind game to make me doubt my own worth, so I wouldn't leave. Treating me like shit, was not doing me a favour. The redundant idea that single people have no worth and I'm only a "someone" if I'm in a relationship, and abusive pricks really love to play with that one.

So, I've been in relationships but I haven't experienced love. Not even my own parents loved me. Most of my family treated me like garbage. I won't ever know what being loved feels like. I've never experienced having someone look into my eyes and caring very deeply about me. Some of my friends are married or partnered and their relationships are rock solid. I'm not catching the bus just because I've been single for so long. It is one reason, but one of many reasons.

My friends say that I'm the most delightful person they know and that I'm great company; always good at getting people laughing, with tears streaming and almost passing out from laughing so hard, at my well timed one-liners. But, I'm still single. I've told my friends not to try setting me up with anyone because it's just awkward.

I would have liked to have known what being loved feels like.

 

[piger]

Lost my love. I lost someone who meant more than life itself to me. I failed her and everyone around me. I never stop thinking about her, haven't for years. Worst part is she never going to know how I truly felt about her.

My life is filled with loss and death regardless. Family love only goes so far, and when you're not normal they only pity you. Mine doesn't know what the fuck to do with me now.

 

[notmuchtimeleft27]

Never properly learned to love someone/thing. I got stuck with too many bad patterns and before I knew it people were hoping I'd end my life. I get why they think that way. I've done a lot of shitty things that never should have happened. For every few hundred average joes there's always a reckless Bojack Horseman hiding in plain sight.

 

[Ashmedai]

Never be loved. I loved a couple of girls but never received anything in return. It's just plain sad. I die everytime I open my eyes in the morning.

 

[freevoid]

Yes, I was loved and I loved. Had my heart broken, made to feel undesirable and unimportant (not intentionally, they had too many issues from trauma). Made the loneliness worse because now I know what true companionship (and really great sex) feels like...

Ugh. So lonely.

Edit: It's not my reason to CTB, but its more pain on top of an already painful existence.

 

[Al0neAlwayz]

I would rather never have loved. Losing the love of my life has shattered me beyond repair. I cannot take the heartache and loneliness I deal with each day. Someone else said it sortof.. Each time I wake up and see my life now isn't a bad dream I'm finally waking up from, I die a little bit more inside. I want it all to end. I can't handle knowing I'll never be loved and part of my family again.

 

[AnxietyHangover]

Never be loved. I loved a couple of girls but never received anything in return. It's just plain sad. I die everytime I open my eyes in the morning.

Your message got to me, at least the final part, because that's exactly how I feel. Never been loved by anyone except my family. But I needed that different kind of love as well. I can't feel anything now. Been talking to this girl for a while but all that happened is that I have new worries that are wearing me further and it's not her fault, it's mine, I am broken beyond repair. Too much darkness in my mind and soul.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Never been loved by a partner. Have been lucky enough to have loving family members and close friends but most of them have gone now.

Feel like I had the potential to love deeply and I suppose that's what makes me sad when I think about it. Still, I'd hate to be in a toxic relationship and I've already lost so many people in my life. The thought of loosing more tends to make me avoid forming new relationships.

 

[Tiny Little Tree]

Probably never being loved if I'm being honest with myself.

I have cared greatly for certain people who have cared for me but in every case it seemed like I always cared about them more. And if I compare their relationship with me to any other actual relationship they had there's a very obvious gap in every case too.

 

[lemonhoney]

Definitely wished I never felt love before. Ignorance is bliss. Now it's just all regrets and missed opportunities and more regrets.

 

[Hirokami]

Losing my love, I suppose (even though my love for others is the reason why I'm sort of stuck here in the first place). Would be difficult for me to cope. Though, oddly, I sometimes consider getting everyone to hate me as it would make certain things a bit easier.

 

[makethepainstop]

Love has many different facets, just like a diamond. Some facets are harmless and gentle, then there are others. I do believe that when love is absent, life becomes even more painful.

 

[StolenLife]

I can't talk about romantic love since I've never had a crush but I do know how it feels to have a group of close friends and then just lose them and be alone for years. I wish I never had them in the first place because at least I wouldn't know what I'm missing. So I vote for never being loved.

 

[September5th]

Definitely wished I never felt love before. Ignorance is bliss. Now it's just all regrets and missed opportunities and more regrets.

This is so true... Ignorance is a heaven. Before dating her, I was so fine with being alone. It was just how things were. Sure, it bothered me sometimes, but I barely cared at all. I could spend all of my day playing Sonic CD in my couch and I wouldn't mind that at all.

But then she came in and showed me how life can be pleasurable. Now that she's gone... It's so hard to think that I was just a guy and she'll find someone else. It's different for me, though. I don't want anyone else. She was my best friend. It all happened so naturally, precisely because I didn't care back then. Now I do care and it all feels fake. I go out with other people just because my brain wants to compensate for what it thinks she's doing.
Man, I miss my childhood friend, my best friend! But I fucked things up beyond belief.
In a perfect world I would have just fucked prostitutes and never would have touched her.

I've always been a bit suicidal, but this contributes so much for it