Discussion Have you also never felt like you belong?

[lastappleonearth]

For me the feeling of not truly belonging or fitting in anywhere has always been kinda lingering in the background, well at least for as long as I remember. Recently tough I've realised the true extent of it and it fills me with so much dread, I can't even fucking explain. I was born and raised in Austria and I love this country, but I never really fit into the cultural norms here and I never cared much for most traditions. I don't even know why, I wish I was different in this regard. Since primary school I always had to pretend in order to fit in, same with family, same with anyone really. I started learning Russian while still in high school and after achieving fluency, I met a bunch of people from Russia and other postsov countries. Most of the times I was told directly that the cultural differences between us are vast and that there's so much I'll never understand and so I could never belong. I get that, I didn't grew up there and of course I can't understand everything, but being discarded because of it hurts. Even recently a person, who once said she loved me told me sth similar, "too different mentalities". Idk, I don't get it tbh, but I guess im not supposed to. You know, it feels like catching a glimpse into a different world and getting closer to understanding it, but then suddenly you're cut off and you can never return. And I guess it's possible that some people entertained me for a while, because I was different from what they've know, but once their curiosity had been satisfied, there was no point in keeping me around. Even "my own world" sometimes feels so alien to me. It hurts, makes you feel very alone. So I've just turned inwards, stopped trying, even though I know I shouldn't. Might sound cliche, but I really am not sure who or what I am. It's like I've no true sense of identity

 

[Lost in a Nightmare]

I used to feel that way all the time until I discovered Sasu and the discord servers I've joined where I feel very welcomed in. I've found more in common with people in the discord servers even more than I have on Sasu, because even here people are so vastly different and see the world so differently, despite our common desire to die. In the discord servers, I've FOUND MY PEOPLE, and we agree on so many different things, all the way down to our shared philosophy and hatred for the reality we find ourselves in.

I hope you too can find a place where you belong. I don't know where that might be, but I truly hope you find it.

 

[PeaceSeeker83]

I like walking around graveyards. That's where I belong.

 

[dearlydeparted44]

This spoke to me very deeply. I've always felt like an alien on this planet. Perhaps my soul is alien to this realm. I see ctb as escaping back to where I belong. I hope it's nicer and more loving than this. But I feel you. If I do have a family or friends, they're definitely not on this planet.

So, you're not alone in that sentiment.