Never been this close to CTB

[Sleeper System]

Every fucking fiber of my being is screaming " Don't go to work tomorrow. Never go to work again. Just disappear and tell no one anything. Live your life for a few more months and then find a way to kill yourself. "

I'm so fucking tired man. So fucking lonely. So sick of my brain telling me all the ways life is not worth living. All this struggle for nothing. Surviving for what? For who? Is anything worth all this suffering? I just want to fucking be done.

I want to go down to Mexico and hire a hitman to kill me.
I don't care anymore. I'm really done with this shit.

I know that if I quit my job then all this suicidal ideation instantly becomes real. There will be no turning back.
I will have to end my life. Really end it. and i'm scared.
Im literally fighting for my life right now.
Only one choice away. Never thought it would be this hard.
Im laying in bed hyper ventalating and a complete wreck.

Im having a mental break down.

 

[Terrible_Life]

I am in the same place. I am very close to kill myself. I feel hopelessly trapped in a painful life in a torture prison and i begged to myself to please finally kill myself and therefore free myself