K_K
Member
- Jan 9, 2024
- 9
My family doesn't take me seriously when I tell them I'm suicidal. My sister often gaslights me about my trauma and invalidates me. All of this has been going on for nearly 3 years.
In the past, I used to be suicidal every single day of my life. It was agonizing and torturous pain, but nowadays, my suicidal thoughts only emerge when faced with a minor inconvenience.
I thought to myself, "What am I going to do when I'm faced with a big situation?", and I've come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, death will always be inevitable. It might be better to take my life before something really bad happens in my life. I don't want to face the emotional stress of said problem, and die stressed.
Even if I get past future bad situations, I will always be empty. I see my life as a loop, nothing more. I can't seem to experience happiness the same way others do. The only thing keeping me alive is my SI, nothing more.
I've tried to sum up my situation as best as I could, while trying not to make this post all about my situation at the same time.
I want to attempt, so that if I wake up in a hospital room, my family can finally see just how much I'm struggling. I don't mind just.. dying either. I'm okay with both outcomes.
If I were to wake up, I don't want there to be too many weird medical procedures done on me. It seems stupid and ridiculous, I know. I don't know how to explain it.
I have no access to anything lethal. The only lethal thing I have access to is a dirty knife. Jumping would be the most preferable method for me, but I don't exactly have easy access to high buildings too. I don't have any guns or anything. Even if I were to clean the knife, slitting my wrists or stabbing myself would be the least preferable option. I feel trapped. I understand and know I'm a coward but I can't help it. Please suggest some methods I can use.
In the past, I used to be suicidal every single day of my life. It was agonizing and torturous pain, but nowadays, my suicidal thoughts only emerge when faced with a minor inconvenience.
I thought to myself, "What am I going to do when I'm faced with a big situation?", and I've come to terms with the fact that no matter what I do, death will always be inevitable. It might be better to take my life before something really bad happens in my life. I don't want to face the emotional stress of said problem, and die stressed.
Even if I get past future bad situations, I will always be empty. I see my life as a loop, nothing more. I can't seem to experience happiness the same way others do. The only thing keeping me alive is my SI, nothing more.
I've tried to sum up my situation as best as I could, while trying not to make this post all about my situation at the same time.
I want to attempt, so that if I wake up in a hospital room, my family can finally see just how much I'm struggling. I don't mind just.. dying either. I'm okay with both outcomes.
If I were to wake up, I don't want there to be too many weird medical procedures done on me. It seems stupid and ridiculous, I know. I don't know how to explain it.
I have no access to anything lethal. The only lethal thing I have access to is a dirty knife. Jumping would be the most preferable method for me, but I don't exactly have easy access to high buildings too. I don't have any guns or anything. Even if I were to clean the knife, slitting my wrists or stabbing myself would be the least preferable option. I feel trapped. I understand and know I'm a coward but I can't help it. Please suggest some methods I can use.